You Are My Life
by Arwen4eva
Summary: Feyre has successfully infiltrated the Spring Court but feels so out of place; away from her home, her family and her mate. As her anger grows and her powers threaten to break free, can Feyre continue protecting her Court and those she loves without exposing herself? Set after ACOMAF. I DO NOT OWN THE ACOTAR SERIES!
1. Chapter 1 - Hidden

**A/N: This is my first ACOTAR/ACOMAF fanfic so hopefully it isn't too bad - but hey, I am no Sarah J, Maas! Pre-warning - this will feature strong language which is the primary reason it is rated T.**

 **This is based after the end of ACOMAF - I have had serious withdrawal from this series; despite reading it three times before reading all of the fanfiction currently published #notobssessed! So, that is mainly what has prompted this fanfic!**

 **Please, do enjoy this chapter and maybe even drop a review!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

They are idiots, all of them. The High Lady of the Night Court has successfully infiltrated the Spring Court for over three weeks now and they are none-the-wiser.

First arriving here was horrific knowing that I would be split from my family. Stepping foot in the prison that once held me was hard; especially since I have no idea how long I am to become a prisoner here. Away from my true home. Away from...

Rhys.

My High Lord. My _mate._

My body craves his touch, to smell his calming scent - the scent that is mingled with mine. Something I am extra wary about around Tamlin, he cannot know that the mating bond is still there. I want to feel him surround me, consume me. I want to tease him, to feel his strength.

Just him.

Obviously, he feels the same; I can feel the glimmer of his lust down our deep bond, against my shields that remain up for my protection - Tamlin could possess anything thanks to Hybern's backing and I am not rising my powers being restrained or my plan being foiled.

Lucien was bad enough on my arrival, the loss of his newly-found mate, my _sister_ , has left him constantly agitated, his instincts possessing him - just like Rhys has warned me after our mating bond clicked in place. He only accepts my presence now but seems to have grown less and less suspicious as his need for his mate consumes him.

At least, the anger we hold for each other is now out in the open. The conversation we shared a mere two days after returning here seemed to sort things out, a small amount anyway.

 _"Feyre, I know you are planning something against us. You are still with them." Lucien's says as he walks up behind me as I take a stroll in the gardens. I can feel the eyes of the multiple guards who are tracking each of my movements; so much for being free as Tamlin had promised me._

 _I turn to face him, crossing my arms over my chest._

 _"I am not sure what you mean, Lucien." I say, furrowing my brows._

 _He stands, shifting his feet apart more as if preparing to attack._

 _"That day in the forest, you would have killed me; you were preparing to do so. You were one of them..."_

 _"I had no control of my actions, Lucien. If I had harmed you, it would have been Rhysand's doing."_

 _No." Lucien says, stepping forward. Both eyes fix on me. "You allowed your sisters, my mate, to be taken by the Night Court when we were in Hybern. You are keeping secrets, Feyre. That bond between you and Rhysand may have been broken, but you still belong with the Night Court; not the Spring Court with us."_

 _You have absolutely no idea, Lucien._

 _His body seems to shake as his anger simmers. He wants to hit me but I will give him no such satisfaction._

 _"You have absolutely no idea about what I have gone through." I say to Lucien, my anger seeping out at his words. "You knew the human Feyre, but you do not know me. You ignored me after I became Fae. I desperately needed a friend but you were too scared to say a single thing to Tamlin. It was almost a blessing when Rhysand took me on my wedding day - I almost said no to Tamlin in front of the entire court because I could not subject myself to what he was doing to me." My hands turn into fists, an attempt at preventing the talons that threaten to break free. I cannot show the extent of my powers and the control I have over them; but the anger is too much._

 _"You let him cage me in this house and watched as I begged him to come back. You watched me suffer day after day but did not say a word. I was wasting away, becoming nothing more than skin and bone, but you did not even_ try _to help me." Tears begin to sting my eyes - this moment is not an act, this is real._

 _"I wanted to-" Lucien starts but I refuse to believe anything he says._

 _"No, you didn't. Even though he used me for his own gain, Rhysand had the decency to help me; to attempt to fix my broken soul. He took me from here and allowed me to become myself again. Here, I was simply Tamlin's plaything. With Rhysand, I was Feyre."_

 _"Would you prefer to be back there with them?"_

 _"No, I returned here for a reason." I say, although the words struggle past my lips. "I love Tamlin but the full extent of the love I used to have for him is no more. He needs to treat me right - you need to treat me right. I will not be pushed into a room and left out of everything. I must be involved - especially with what is coming._

 _"I was so broken after being Under the Mountain, having to deal with Amarantha and it was a downward spiral afterwards. You both hated me for making that bargain with Rhysand but if I hadn't, Amarantha would still be alive. You tried to cover up my sacrifices and imagine that they were not as breaking as they were. I cannot let that happen again._

 _"However, I was so grateful to see Tamlin again; to know I would not be used against my own will."_

 _Tears fill his eye and inside, I am joyously clapping at achieving such an emotion - he will be feeling a lot more than sadness soon enough. However, I feel awful considering I have just mentioned exactly how I am feeling to the enemy and the horrific lies I have just spoken about my court, my family, and my mate._

 _"I am sorry, Feyre. Tamlin is too." As usual, the apology is from him, and not Tamlin himself as if they are a single being. "But, please understand, Tamlin is my High Lord - if he orders me to do something, I must obey; he has done so much for me and I am forever in his debt."_

 _"Even if it irreversibly damages the one he says he loves." I ask, wiping away an errant tear that has fallen unchecked._

 _"I'm afraid so." Lucien takes a step back, his metal eye whirring. "I cannot trust you as I once did, Feyre, but I know you are perhaps the only other person who cares for Elain. She is my mate and I need her back, safely."_

 _"I know. If it comforts you, as it does me, Rhysand will not hurt her." I say, knowing that is no lie._

 _"How do you know?"_

 _He is my mate. I trust him more than anyone._

 _"Rhysand will not damage anything that is precious to him."_

 _Lucien finishes our conversation with a hug; something I hadn't ever expected and my body stiffens. When he withdraws, he apologises before leaving me in the gardens, alone._

But now, as I sit on my bed in my confining room, sadness fills my being. Three weeks is too long to be away from my mate. My nightmares have returned, plaguing my nights; Rhys chased them away but without him here, they have arrived worse than ever.

I feel a strong wave of love, surrounding me like a shroud of the lightest silk and realise that I have allowed my shields to fall. I respond similarly to Rhys before snapping them back up. Every time I feel his presence down the bond, my mortal heart breaks further.

I look out the window at the night beyond; nowhere near as stunning as it is back home in Velaris. The striking colours of the Rainbow, the clear beauty of the stars. None of that is here. The stars, whilst still beautiful, have lost that extra spark as if they are partially shielded from view.

I walk to the small balcony connected to my room and rest my forearms on the iron railing, feeling the sharp coldness penetrate my skin. A sigh escapes my lips as I observe the gardens before me.

It is all just wrong. Too foreign. The smells are too sharp and the sounds too deafening. It is nothing like home.

I hear a timid knock on the door and then an attempt at the handle. I'm not stupid. I have ensured that when the lock is on the door, only I can open the door. Wards around my room prevent any magic and winnowing, unless performed by me; perfect if I need to protect myself from anyone.

Slowly, I walk to my bed, sit on the side and flick my hand, releasing the lock.

"Yes?" I say, allowing the person at the door to enter.

I half expect Alis to walk in but as usual, it is not her; it is Tamlin instead. His brow is furrowed and his scent... it just makes me want to gag.

"Feyre." he says, standing in front of me, towering above my sitting body. His scent clogs my nose and I struggle to breathe regularly. But then I remember, it is almost a blessing so he cannot smell mine and Rhys' mingled scents. "What's the matter?"

The sooner I get rid of him, the better.

"I am just tired, my love." I say, placing a small smile on my lips. He kneels in front of me, clearly not believing me.

"It is more than that, Feyre. You are reluctant to kiss me, to even touch me." He places his large hand on my cheek and I control myself to not back away. "There was a time when you could not stay away from me; that you more than welcomed my touch upon your body."

"I'm sorry." I say softly, wanting nothing more than to rip his throat out. I feel a glimmer of something along the bond as if Rhys senses my emotions and it helps to calm me. "I am just not myself right now."

He leans forward and tries to kiss me and I immediately turn my face away; I cannot allow it. He growls angrily, something I have perhaps heard once, which actually scares me and he forces my head back to his. He places a vice grip on my chin and forces his lips upon mine.

I try to push away but he is stronger than I am; my powers begins to surface but I cannot show them; he cannot know what I possess.

I continue pushing against him and when I feel his tongue try to prise my lips apart, I strongly kick him in the groin and he stumbles back. The growl that erupts from him this time is unlike one I have ever heard and it genuinely terrifies me.

I scramble backwards, off the other side of the bed and into the corner of the room as he half turns into his beast form, talons growing and his eyes growing darker.

I am sure that the fear on my face is showing; it is genuine and uncontrollable. He releases another growl, softer this time, before turning back into that repulsive man.

I draw my knees to my chest, trying to tame the shaking as he approaches me. He stops a few paces away, crouching and holding his hand up as a hunter would to calm its prey; something I have done too many times. His breathing is ragged and he tries approaching further. I sink more into the corner of the room, pushing myself away from him.

"Feyre." he says, trying to lure me back. That will not be happening.

I push my mental claws towards his and reach his shields that are practically non-existent which does slightly surprise me. Similar to Tarquin, I become the embodiment of Spring, of everything that makes him Tamlin, and invade his mind - reading his thoughts.

 _'I scared her. But she needs to accept me again. She is mine, not his. She just needs to remember our love; remember my loving touch; our lips together, on each other's body. Then she will be who she truly is.'_ His thoughts almost make me retch.

As I keep eye contact, I alter his thoughts and plant images that I know will hurt him. I let him believe that he tried to attack me, that he has broken me further. That he makes such horrible accusations that send more tears to my eyes and let him realise just how broken I am inside.

To further ensure that he remembers it this way and not me claiming and controlling his mind, I dig those claws in and cause him to fall unconscious. His body slumps to the ground and I allow myself a moment to grasp my breath and cease my shaking.

I will not allow him to do that to me again, I cannot allow it; unless I raise this place to the ground with me inside.

I stand, take a hold of the collar of his shirt and winnow us into his room. With my powers, I make a gust of wind pull him up and then drop him, unceremoniously, onto the bed. As soon as he lands, I winnow back into my own room, ensure my door is locked and go to the bathing room.

I need to wash his scent off of me. It clings to every pore on my body and still lingers in my nose.

...

The tendrils of steam surround me as small water owls fly around the room. My magic needs to be released in some way without giving myself away; Tamlin almost pushed me to the edge.

I remove the glamour on my right arm and lovingly trace the black, inky swirls with my left pointer finger. The proof of my undying love and the strong mating bond between me and Rhys; the High Lord of the Night Court and his High Lady - a title, Tamlin claimed never existed. I trace every curve and every piece of that tattoo, my gaze drifting to my empty left arm, now too bare.

As soon as I return home, that tattoo will reside there again - just without the bargain in place as it is useless now. Perhaps simply being with my mate again, our bond will be fully restored - allowing us to communicate more freely with each other.

I allow my shields to drop in the hopes that Rhys is there. I don't send anything down our bond, but search its vastness instead. I cannot feel any trace of him and then I reach his shields; strong, in tact and unbreakable. I linger there for a moment, feeling close to him.

I retreat back and snap up my own shields. The owls flying around the room, land on the side of the bath tub and then dive into the water, not to be seen again.

I stand and climb out the tub, donning a thick dressing gown. I look at the nightgown I wore not an hour ago and grab it in my tattooed hand before going to the fireplace. I take pleasure in watching the flames consume the Tamlin riddled fabric.

The other nightgowns in the wardrobe are far too flimsy and revealing, the sort I would only wear for Rhys, so I close my eyes and hold out my hands. A thicker and less revealing nightgown appears and I replace the dressing gown with the fabric.

I do not climb back into the bed until I have watched the fabric fully blacken and mingle in with the burning wood; all in the hopes that it will make me feel better.

Soon, I will do the same to the Spring Court. I will revel in the flames that will consume this prison whilst standing beside my mate; the powerful High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court.

I place the glamour back on my arm with one last caress of the ink and settle within the constricting, pale yellow covers. Spring surrounds me but I picture my home; I picture the art and the music that powers Velaris.

I do hope sleep will be more peaceful tonight.

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	2. Chapter 2 - Help

**A/N: Second chapter is here! Thank you so much for your kind reviews and the few people who have sent me very sweet messages after reading the first chapter!**

 **A very big thank you also to those who have clicked the follow/favourite button! It means a great deal to me - especially as it is the first one for this wonderful fandom.**

 **This one is quite a large chapter - I certainly surprised myself on this one!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

Sleep, of course, did not come peacefully as I had hoped. In fact, this nightmare was particularly foul. So much so, it has caused me to be awake long before dawn. I sit upon the balcony of my room, the chill of the gradually fading night seeping into my bones as I dangle my legs over the edge.

I had woken up with my shield practically non-existent. As soon as my nerves had calmed, and I finished throwing up the contents of my stomach - a routine that has once again settled, I immediately snapped them back up with more strength than I realised I possessed in that moment. I inwardly cursed myself; Rhys would have seen the nightmare...

He would have seen everything; would have felt everything...

...

 _"Enjoy it." Amarantha says, taunting me from her throne as I stand before the first Fae._

 _His blue eyes burn into me. The ash dagger suddenly appears, a solid weight in my trembling hand._

 _"Please." he whispers. I see his eyes flit between the ash dagger and my face. I involuntarily grasp the dagger tighter. "Please."_

 _Suddenly, before I have even gathered my thoughts, the dagger is in his chest. His blood showers my hand, coating the skin on my wrist, my face. Tears, thick and searing, fall down my face as I remove the dagger and his body falls at my feet. The dagger falls from my grip and lands beside his head._

 _"Very good." Amarantha's voice floats down to me as I stumble backwards. I spare a gaze at Tamlin but his face is cold, uncaring. My eyes then settles on Rhys - his gaze is fixed on me, anger filling those beautiful violet orbs; anger at Amarantha's actions, not mine._

 _The blood on my hands turns my stomach, bile rises in my throat._

 _"Next." Amarantha giggles. "Come now, Feyre. Are you not having fun?"_

 _The hood on the second Fae is removed and the tears on her face surely match my own. The second ash dagger appears in my hand; the blood already staining the deadly piece of wood._

 _The first kill was bad enough. The second; it breaks me further._

 _Her prayer to the Cauldron is useless; Amarantha will do everything in her power to ensure I do this: that is her way._

 _Is Tamlin's life worth me killing these innocents? Truly?_

 _I cannot do it. Please._

 _The female Fae's voice breaks as she stares up at me._

 _"Feel no pain."_

 _But, I feel pain. She will feel pain._

 _I grip her shoulder, mainly to steady my own body._

 _I have to do this quick. I have to reduce her suffering._

 _The dagger plunges into her chest and her gasp forces me to retreat far into myself; so far I have no idea where I truly am._

 _Amarantha's smile is sickening._

 _One more._

 _Only one more._

 _The ash dagger falls to the floor beside the other that also possesses the blood of an innocent._

 _I allow tears to continue falling down my face, a sob breaking free from my lips. A guard pulls the hood off of the final person._

 _No._

 _No, no, no._

 _Please._

 _Not him._

 _His violet eyes stare up at me and my mortal heart stops its once steady, then erratic rhythm. I whip my head around to where I last saw him stand but the space is unoccupied. Vaguely, I hear members of this court whisper amongst each other._

 _"Rhys." I sob and I witness a tear falling from the corner of his eye, sliding down his cheek._

 _"Is there something wrong, Feyre?" Amarantha croons._

 _I turn my head to face her._

 _"Please, no." I choke out._

 _A smile spreads across her face that forces me to take a step back, and for my shoulders to fall further._

 _"You kill Rhysand and you set Tamlin free." she says with a shrug as if it as the most simple thing. "That's what you have been fighting for, isn't it? The reason you have survived this long?"_

 _Rhys saved my life. He is the only reason I am alive, why Lucien is alive._

 _My eyes move over to Tamlin to see a cold smile on his face, joy dancing in his eyes. My brows furrow at his display of heartlessness; he wants this, he wants me to kill the misunderstood High Lord before me._

 _I turn back to Rhys, unable to breathe._

 _"Do it, Feyre." he whispers to me. The ash dagger appears in my hand and my grip does not slacken to drop it. "Save yourself."_

 _I shake my head._

 _"No. I can't."_

 _"Feyre." Tamlin's growl behind me makes me look sharply at him._

 _"You wanted this." I say to him. The smile on his face broadens slightly before he replies._

 _"He is standing between us. With him gone, we will be together, Feyre." Tamlin says and he stands from his chair beside Amarantha._

 _"No." I shake my head and look back at Rhys. I shake my hand in an attempt to release my grip, but to no avail. "I won't."_

 _"Feyre, you must." Rhys says and smiles despite his tears. "It is alright. You can do it."_

 _My hand begins to raise, the dagger seeking, craving, yearning for blood._

 _"Please, no." I beg to someone, anyone._

 _The dagger begins to lower, despite every inch of my strength trying to prevent it._

 _"It is alright." Rhys repeats, the dagger mere inches from his heart._

 _"I'm sorry." I say, sobs preventing regular breathing. Just as the very tip of the dagger pierces Rhys' skin, making him hiss, Amarantha's voice rings out._

 _"That is enough."_

 _The dagger immediately falls from my grip and I am pushed back a few paces by an invisible source._

 _Amarantha stands and moves forward from her throne. She stops when she is just in front of Rhys._

 _"You should have recognised that there would be a price for your actions, Rhysand." she says and laughs. "That filthy human did not deserve anyone's help."_

 _"Leave him." I say, trying to make myself sound authoritative. I slam my hand up against the invisible force. It doesn't budge. I end up punching it and causing my knuckle to split; further coating my hand in blood._

 _Amarantha laughs again before turning to look at the High Lord of the Spring Court._

 _"Tamlin, dear." she says, her voice adopting a sing-song tone. "Would you like to come over and help me deal with this problem?"_

 _My gaze snaps over to Tamlin, who immediately struts over to stand beside Amarantha; he doesn't need to be forced._

 _"Please, Tamlin. Stop." I beg, hitting my hand again; smearing the blood._

 _"This is for our future, Feyre." he says, not even looking at me: his eyes are fixated on Rhys._

 _"Do you really think that Feyre will love you if you do this?" Rhys asks, his breathing ragged._

 _He doesn't care about his own life. He cares about me._

 _And I care about him..._

 _My fists continue pounding at the force as if it will eventually shatter and allow me to pass; to reach Rhys._

 _"Shut up, Rhysand." Tamlin says._

 _"She won't, Tamlin. You are just showing her what a ruthless killer you are."_

 _Tamlin suddenly punches Rhys across the jaw which stops my movements and causes me to focus on Rhys, making sure he is alright. When Rhys composes himself, he spits blood onto Tamlin's boots. The High Lord of Spring then walks around Rhys to stand behind him._

 _"I must admit, Rhysand," Amarantha says, "I did find it quite attractive when you turned against me and made her your little plaything. But, clearly, it has turned into something more."_

 _"Please." I sob, unable to control myself._

 _"Show me your wings."_

 _I stop cold._

 _No._

 _I see Rhys' expression and the fear I see in his beautiful eyes makes my heart stop once more._

 _"Please, leave him." I beg despite knowing it is futile. I look at Rhys and he makes eye contact with me. I want to go to him and soothe his worries; just like I did with the Fae male who had his wings torn off. A sudden realisation hits me and I fall to my knees; the memories of all that blood and screaming fill my senses._

 _Rhys mouths something to me, something I do not recognise with my exhausted mind, before he turns his gaze back to Amarantha._

 _"Show. Me. Your. Wings." she says. Rhys inhales strongly before his nods ever-so-slightly. His large wings slowly take form before spreading out behind him. Tamlin smiles wickedly before taking a step forward._

 _My eyes widen as I see him grip his hands just above where that Fae male's stumps ceased._

 _"Tamlin!" I shout but he does not look up at me. "Stop! Don't!"_

 _"Do it." Amarantha commands and Tamlin nods._

 _In an instant, Rhys is screaming with blood pouring from his back. Tamlin holds a wing in each of his hands and Amarantha laughs, clapping her hands._

 _"Rhys!" I scream and repeatedly punch the force holding me back. After a minute, the force suddenly disappears and I almost head butt the stone floor as I fall forward._

 _"Rhys." I crawl over to him, my hands and knees being soaked by the blood that is swiftly escaping the stumps where his majestic wings once proudly lived and swiftly spreading._

 _His screams pierce my soul and I continue to go towards him before placing his head in my lap, cradling him._

 _"Shh, Rhys." I say, gently stroking his hair from his face. His screams continue but die down partially as I continue my movements. "Hush..."_

 _"My wings..." His voice is hoarse; just like that Fae male's. I can feel Rhys' blood soak into my clothes but I don't care. "My wings... My wings..."_

 _"It's alright." I whisper, not caring about the people around me. I can feel all eyes on me; surprisingly, Tamlin and Amarantha are both silent but I am positive they are enjoying this slow death._

 _"My wings..." Rhys repeats, his voice becoming quieter and quieter. "They're gone. They're gone..."_

 _Tears fill my eyes once again and I place my hand on Rhys' cheek._

 _"I know." A tear falls onto Rhys' cheek and his eyes fix on mine. "Hush, now..."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _My brows furrow._

 _"Why are you sorry?" I ask. Before he can reply, his eyes widen and strong arms suddenly pull me away. "No! Let me go!"_

 _I recognise that the arms are Tamlin's so thrash harder to be released._

 _"Where do you think you're going?" Amarantha's voice is cold and harsh. Tamlin stops pulling me and I look at the face I know will haunt me for at least the next few years._

 _"Rhysand will be dead in a few minutes. Feyre is done doing your stupid challenges. We are leaving."_

 _Amarantha reaches out with her hand before closing her fist. Tamlin is pulled away and ends up in the seat he has been stuck in the past few months._

 _"I don't think so, dear Tamlin. Feyre did not complete the challenge and she has not figured out my delightful riddle."_

 _Oh no._

 _"You see, dear Tamlin," she pauses and smiles as she sees Tamlin trying to break free from the grip of the chair. "You cannot have her; at least, not in the way you hoped."_

 _She turns back to look at me, causing my weak mortal heart to beat faster and stronger. I hear Rhys groan._

 _"No." he says, clearly knowing what Amarantha is going to do. "Amarantha, you can't!"_

 _I don't dare look at him so my eyes remain fixed on Amarantha. She ignores his pleas and looks at me, deadliness shining in her eyes._

 _Something suddenly strikes_ _me then, sending me sprawling to the floor. I feel like my bones are beginning to shatter and a scream instantly releases itself from my throat._

 _"Feyre!" A voice shouts, or perhaps grunts_ _\- not just any voice though, Rhys'._

 _"How could you ever believe that you are worth a High Lord, you filthy human?" Amarantha asks. I feel a strong and blindingly painful popping in my chest; my ribs being cracked one-by-one. Another scream is lodged in my throat - unable to escape._

 _I can partially hear Rhys calling my name again, but the pounding in my ears drowns out the majority of the noise._

 _My sobs increase as her foot connects with my broken ribs and the pressure on my spine increases, causing my back to arch._

 _"Amarantha." Tamlin's voice. "Please stop."_

 _"Not Feyre, not Feyre." Rhys' voice; so broken, so weak._

 _"Not Feyre?" Amarantha focuses on Rhys and approaches him. "What about you instead?"_

 _"No." I say, blood bubbling forth from my lips. I spit it out, clearing my mouth momentarily. "Leave him alone."_

 _Tamlin has somehow managed to stand now but cannot move more than a step; good. I want him nowhere near me. Nowhere near Rhys..._

 _"Please, Amarantha. Not Feyre. Please, don't hurt her anymore." he says._

 _I can feel every bone in my body threatening to shatter further. My vision begins to disappear and my mouth fills up with more blood, choking me._

 _"Rhys..." His name somehow passes my lips and our eyes connect. The bond we share tightens for a moment before unravelling completely._

 _We are both dying._

 _"This is too good to be true." I can just about hear Amarantha croon. "The High Lord of the Night Court and a mere mortal; how touching."_

 _A growl resonates from Tamlin, I think, but I don't care. I want to reach out to Rhys but I watch as Amarantha picks up the ash dagger, not yet covered in blood._

 _No._

 _By the Cauldron, no._

 _Stop._

 _Stop._

 _But I am forced to watch as that dagger is driven through Rhys' chest._

 _Forced to watch the light leave his mysterious eyes._

 _Forced to have those now forever dull eyes stare at me, a silent plea on his lips._

 _And then that is when my neck snaps..._

...

I shake my head, removing the memories of the nightmare. I listen to the world around me and hear the first whistles of the birds; dawn is approaching.

I try taking some steadying breaths, but I cannot. I am too confined; too trapped.

I cannot stay here.

I quickly stand and go to the wardrobe, removing the only set of hunting clothes it possesses amongst all of those revolting dresses; a tunic, thick and lenient trousers and a large jumper. I plait my hair over my shoulder and slip my socked feet into a pair of boots before winnowing out into the kitchen. I produce a rucksack in my hand and fill it with a variety of food; I'm not sure how long I will be away for - forever if I could have my way - or if I will even be hungry, but it is better to be prepared.

I quickly winnow to the small armoury in the house and shoulder a quiver of a dozen arrows and slide the bow in alongside them. I place a knife in my belt and a smaller, sharper blade in my boot.

I then try to remember the layout of the Spring Court's lands; try to picture its borders. A small image appears in my mind, a peaceful lake surrounding by nature's beauty. I remember it is on the border between Spring and Autumn instead of being on Summer's boarders, thankfully; I don't want to risk a run-in with Tarquin's men.

Closing my eyes, I winnow to that spot. The darkness consumes and surrounds me before the fresh air greets me and then the calming sound of the water. Looking up, I notice that the sky is gradually lightening and the stars are slowly disappearing.

I walk over to the side of the lake and sit on a large rock - worn away by the weather and travellers who must stop and rest here in this peaceful spot. I remove my bow and nock an arrow, just in case some game decides to pass.

For a while, I do nothing but sit, staring at the rippling water before me. Images from my nightmare continuously flash before my eyes.

Those innocent Fae.

Rhys laying in that large pool of his own blood.

The stumps where his wings had once been.

Tamlin holding those severed wings in his hands with pride beaming on his features.

That horrible feeing of my neck snapping - again.

I involuntarily shudder and turn my head slightly to my left, watching the sun's light grace the land. I feel the heat touch me and I revel in its warmth.

It has been a number of days since I have fully been outside. Since my arrival, I have not been alone; always having a presence following me. But now, being truly alone, I finally feel free again. I feel on my way to being... normal, I suppose.

I allow the fresh air to fill my lungs and I place my bag on the ground beside my feet with the intention of removing one of the apples. But I sense something, someone, behind me. I immediately stand and aim my bow at their heart.

She is standing on the Autumn Court borders, staring at me wide-eyed. I can tell by the way her eyes trail over me that she is deeply concerned about me; I know I have lost weight and my eyes are, once again, sunken with the horrors of my nights.

I'm the broken Feyre she once knew.

"Mor." I choke out, dropping the bow. I run towards her and immediately wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"By the Cauldron, Feyre." Mor says, wrapping her arms around me tightly, breathing in my scent which is now clouded by the foul smell of Spring. "You look like shit. I knew Rhys should not have allowed you to do this."

I draw back and look at Mor.

"How is he?" I ask, slightly hesitant. "How is Rhys?"

Mor sighs and runs a hand through her hair which gently flows in the breeze. She looks slightly dishevelled as if she left in a hurry.

"He is taking very good care of your sisters but he is lost and being a complete prick." she says to me. My heart thuds in my chest and tears burn in my eyes.

"He's always been a prick, Mor." I point out, an attempt at being light-hearted. However, I can feel my body instantly craving him, longing for him.

"This is worse, Feyre." Mor bites her lower lip, avoiding my eyes for a moment.

"Worse how, exactly?" I ask which makes her snap her eyes back to mine.

"You know what happened after you mated, Feyre. Rhys went a bit crazy but because you were there, it was alright; _he_ was alright. But, when he isn't preoccupied by Cas and his wings or your sisters, he is losing it."

Tears fall down my face but I do not wipe them away.

"There have been many occasions where I have gone to him during the night because the darkness is too alive, too strong, too dangerous; he allows it to consume him because you aren't there, Feyre. He is becoming the man people believe he is; the unyielding High Lord of Night."

"I should be with him." I say, my voice breaking. My arms slump and hang heavily from my sides. "I need to be with him."

"Your nightmares have returned, haven't they." Mor says, not requiring to ask. I simply nod. "You don't look well. You look like you did before, when I rescued you; underweight, haunted and very ill."

I walk over to the rock beside the lake and Mor joins me, sitting on the grass.

"I'm really struggling without him." I mumble. "Every time I have a simple moment alone, I remove the glamour on my arm and look at the evidence of our mating bond. The evidence that I should be with him, not here in a living Hell."

I remove the glamour and trace the inky swirls, almost demonstrating. I can sense Mor looking down at it.

"Every time I look at it, I always crave to be with him. I want to be by his side again: that's where I should be." My voice breaks again. "I feel like I am staring into the darkness once again, and it is gleefully staring back; waiting for the right time to consume me fully."

Mor places her hand on my shoulder and rubs it comfortingly.

"It's natural to feel like that, Feyre. Especially since it hasn't been too long since you and Rhys mated an now you're apart."

"How is Nesta and Elain?" I ask, moving the subject away from me and my mate, slightly.

"Nesta has been difficult but she has been keeping an eye on Cassian for us. His wings will heal but it will take a lot of time; time Cas does not want to spend healing. Her stubbornness is helping him recover."

"And Elain?" Elain is who has concerned me most; she was so delicate and fragile as a mortal. As Fae? I have no idea how she will be.

"She has settled in surprisingly easily. Rhys has created a small garden for her to tend which is helping her adjust to our life easier. She spends most of her time either in the garden or in the library."

I smile slightly and watch as a squirrel runs up the trunk of a tree. That does sound like Elain.

"You will be reunited with us soon, Feyre."

Images of my nightmare resurface and more tears begin to fall, suddenly. Mor takes a strong hold of my shoulders.

"I'm sorry." she says and just kneels before me as sobs force their way out of my body.

...

After perhaps another hour, maybe more, a thought suddenly appears in my head.

I don't want a repeat of last night...

"Mor, I need to get back soon. I told no one where I was going. Lucien was suspicious enough already and after last night..." My voice is weak, broken; just like my spirit is right now.

Mor shakes her head and places a hand on my cheek, making me look at her.

"Rhys said that he felt you panic last night; that you were scared, and very much so as you had your shields up but could still feel you. He was really freaking out about it. What happened to you?"

"Tamlin." I say and take in a deep breath.

I explain what happened last night; how Tamlin had genuinely scared me, how sickening his thoughts were.

"I knocked him out and threw him on his bed before taking a very long bath." I say, tracing my tattoo once more before throwing the glamour on it again.

"What about these nightmares, Feyre?"

I sigh.

"They are horrible and like before, making me throw my guts up each night." I say, pulling an apple out of my bag now. I take a small bite before just holding it in my hand.

"You are thinner, Feyre. Too thin once again. Rhys will not be happy." Mor takes hold of my hand and removes a chunk out of the apple with her teeth, chewing on the tender flesh.

"Did Rhys mention anything about my nightmare last night?" I ask, hoping that the answer is no.

Mor looks down, swallowing her mouthful.

"Feyre, he was a complete state this morning. That is why I am here. He actually begged me to find you and when I left, he demanded that he be left alone in his room." I look at Mor and she has tears in her eyes now. "What was this nightmare about? I have never seen Rhys look so haunted."

I take a deep breath.

"I was back Under the Mountain." I begin, gathering my courage. Mor's presence is like a soothing balm, comforting me, allowing me to open up. "I was killing those innocent Fae again but instead of Tamlin being the last one kneeling, it was Rhys.

"I didn't kill him but I had to watch as Tamlin..."

Bile rises in my throat and my skin quickly goes clammy.

"Feyre?" Mor grips my hand and forces my eyes up to hers with a tender tug on my chin. "What did Tamlin do?"

"He... He..." The words get caught in my throat. The bile continues to rise.

"You can tell me, Feyre."

Before I can, I quickly run a few paces away before I throw up the contents of my stomach; nothing other than that bite of apple and some water. I spit and feel Mor rub her hand on my back. I slowly straighten and she waves her hand, making the vomit disappear. She guides me back over to the rock.

"What happened to Rhys?" she asks, her voice softer and more concerned.

"He tore Rhys' wings off." I spit out, my body beginning to shake.

"Shit."

"I then went through everything that Amarantha did to me but before she snapped my neck, I had to watch an ash dagger being shoved into his chest."

Sobs build up within me as the images run through my brain; unyielding images that won't disappear.

"I saw the life leave his eyes, Mor. I had to watch him die."

Mor immediately wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her.

"It felt so real." I whisper.

"It wasn't real Feyre. It wasn't real."

Mor holds me until my tears subside and my body is just... numb. She gently rocks me, trying to calm me further, calming me enough to return.

"I know that Rhys knows about this nightmare, Feyre, but I really feel I should tell him about how it is affecting you. Sometimes, he cannot feel you at all and that sends him into a panic."

I shake my head. "You can't, Mor. He is already in enough pain without me there." I say, sitting up straighter.

"I know, but you cannot stay in Spring much longer: you are wasting away." Mor points out. I stand and walk over to my bow, picking it up.

"Just..." My mouth opens and closes for a moment. "Just tell him I love him. Please."

Mor smiles sadly and walks to me. Her hands go on my biceps and she squeezes gently.

"I'm sure he already knows, but of course I will."

"Thank you, Mor. I really needed this. I needed you." I say, honestly. She pulls me in and we just hug each other for a few minutes.

When Mor withdraws, she smiles.

"I will see you soon, High Lady." Mor winks at me before she winnows out.

I go over to my bag and sling it over my shoulder before winnowing myself a mile away from the estate - although, prison seems like a more accurate description.

I aimlessly walk around until I spot a group of rabbits together. I nock my arrows and shot down three successfully.

I might as well give them to the kitchens as I am sure they will find some use for them. I might ask for the simple dish from back home when I deliberately cooked for myself just to annoy Rhys; good old rabbit stew. A breathy laugh escapes me at the happy memories but I push them away when tears begin to refill my eyes.

As I remove the arrow from the third rabbit, attach the animal beside the others on my belt and wash the bloodied tip off in the passing stream, I hear a large growl resonate. The birds in the surrounding trees take flight; flying from danger.

I turn around, bow raised and the arrow ready to fly, and spot Tamlin in his beast form stalking through the trees. He stops about five paces from me and with a flash of light, turns back into his human self.

His eyes appear concerned as I do not lower the bow, instead keeping it trained on him. Like last night, he raises his hand and takes a tentative step forward; calming his prey.

Not this time, bastard.

"Feyre, are you alright?" he asks me, looking around.

No, of course I'm not.

 _Bastard_. Complete and utter bastard.

"You didn't leave a note and we were worried sick about you. The guards said that they hadn't seen you at all but you were clearly not in the house."

I slowly drop the bow but keep the arrow drawn, just in case.

"A nightmare plagued me last night, I needed space away from everyone."

He has the decency to look down, guilty; but not guilty enough for what he did.

"I didn't mean what I said."

Oh right, those altered memories. However, they don't seem to have made much of a difference.

"Forgive me if I don't take that as an apology." I say, my bitter tone coming through clearly. Tamlin's brow raises and he approaches me. However, he takes two steps and the bow is once again aimed at him so he stops.

"Feyre, put the bow down. It is alright." he says.

"No, Tamlin. It is not."

I walk around him, keeping my bow up and head east, a different direction to his home.

"Feyre, please. Come home."

"Maybe later." I say and walk between the trees. I hear his steps following me which makes me stop and turn to him, fire surely blazing in my eyes. I try to prevent it coming out though; I must control it - to protect me, to protect my Court.

"I need space away from everyone, Tamlin." I say, partially repeating my words. "You are included in that."

He nods his head and remains stationary as I walk away from him.

 _This is for our future, Feyre._

The flash of the nightmare halts my movements for a moment before I continue on. I cannot let him win.

This time, he will be the one lying in a pool of blood.

This time, that stone heart will not stop me from killing him.

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - Unburden

**A/N: Another chapter! I am genuinely touched about how popular this story is so far and it seems to only grow! Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews and a very BIG thank you to everyone who has pressed either the favourite and/or follow button for the story and me!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

I deliberately took my time returning to the prison. As I arrived through the gates, I noticed that a guard immediately ran off inside - no doubt in my mind that he was going to warn Tamlin of my return.

As I walked in, I noticed the strong tension as I headed down to the kitchens which were abnormally quiet. A frown marred my brow as I placed the multiple rabbits down on one of the counters.

"Hello?" My voice seemed to vibrate in the room but no one appears. The kitchens are rarely empty; especially as it was almost noon. - they should be preparing lunch like they do everyday.

As I walked back to my room, noticing scratch marks along some of the walls and lining the staircase. So that's why the kitchens were bare - Tamlin has had a rage that I didn't return when he demanded.

Poor little Lord.

When I arrived at my room, I gladly found it empty before removing my weapons and placing them in the wardrobe so they are now concealed by the skirts of the multiple dresses that reside within. Just like my Illyrian fighting leathers that Tamlin believed I burned.

I removed my boots and placed them beside the wardrobe before going back over to the door.

As soon as it opened, a guard stepped forward to make his presence known.

Great. Just what I needed.

I walked the corridors in my socked feet before ending up in front of the gallery doors. I hadn't set foot in here since my return; it was too painful. I only wanted to paint again because of Rhys.

Because of my mate.

My mate who isn't here.

I took a deep breath before opening one of the large wooden doors and stepping within the room. It was clear to me that no one had dared enter the room since I was rescued by my family. Dust laid upon every surface, every plain and painted canvas.

I ensured to close the door behind me. This is my private space; mine, no one else here. No Lucien. No Tamlin. Just... me.

I had spent the majority of the afternoon in the gallery, producing some fruit to sustain me for a while. I did not paint; I had no desire to without Rhys near me. I simply sat and watched the day go by.

When it was clear that the sun had almost set, I left the gallery, walked down more corridors and went into the library. Thanks to Rhys, I can actually pick up a volume and understand every word set out before me.

I went through the various shelves of books and after glancing through a few, I left the large room with three books under my arm.

I was very tempted to winnow back into my room, my _cage_ , but that would have revealed the control of my powers to the entire court so I forced myself to walk the halls; feeling every pair of eyes tracking my movements. It was a relief when I returned to my room; to the one place I feel alone and away from everyone.

I threw the books on the freshly made bed, removed my clothes and then ran myself a bath.

I have been creating small water birds for over an hour. Using my powers, I have kept the water as hot as it was to begin with; the heated water soothing me in many ways which the people here could never do and crinkling my Fae skin at an extremely slower rate than my mortal skin ever did. I watch as the wonderful creatures flutter around the tendrils of steam that rise from the tub, twirling together, spreading their wings; just like Rhys.

I yearn once more for the time when Rhys can hold me in his arms and we just soar through the skies together. Or, if it is possible, for us to fly side by side. Perhaps my shape shifting abilities may allow me to fly.

I release a sigh and stand, removing myself from the water. As much as I wish to, I cannot stay in the bathroom forever. I pull on the thick dressing gown I left beside the bathtub and with a towel in my hand, I walk out into the main bedroom.

I walk to the over extravagant vanity and sit in the upholstered, low-backed chair. Using the towel, I squeeze the excess water from my hair before I pick up the brush. I am trying to tame a particularly stubborn knot in my hair when I hear a thud.

I turn around quickly, but it did not come from the door behind me as I thought. I feel a glimmer of something down the bond, our bond... Joy? Love? Teasing?

I look down on my vanity and notice a piece of paper and a pen which were not there before. The piece of paper has two simple words on it which immediately make me snort; but in an affectionate way.

 _Miss me?_

Tears fill my eyes and fall quickly, sliding hot down my cheeks. I dare not brush them away, not when I am feeling something... good. I scribble down my response and watch the paper disappear.

 _More than anything, you complete prick_ is my simple reply. I feel Rhys' laughter across the bond and almost immediately receive his delightfully smug answer.

 _Good._

It seems he has not lost his arrogance in my absence. I smile at his familiar handwriting before exchanging the paper between us again.

 _It has been too long, Rhys. Far too long._

The pen and paper vanish and I continue brushing out my hair. I have just placed the brush back down when they reappear.

 _I know, Feyre darling. Hopefully, it will not be much longer now._

I smile at his endearing words for me, something that has stuck since we were Under the Mountain. However, my smile disappears as the emotions within me collide, bubble up and threaten to explode. A fire lights within me, but is then blown out, suffocated with water and frozen over. I breathe deeply for a moment before writing back.

 _I need you, Rhys. Now more than ever._

I feel concern flutter down the bond which surprises me when I see his response.

 _Missing my delicious body, are we darling?_

Yes. Yes, I am. I delay my response by plaiting my hair down my back before picking up the pen.

 _Of course. But, I miss more than just the rare deliciousness of your body, Rhys._

His response is slightly delayed also and I partially suspect it is because I made him wait.

 _I know, Feyre darling. Hybern's forces are on their way now. You will not be there for much longer now. I refuse to allow that King to be in your presence again._

 _Promise?_

 _I promise, my love._

I am just about to scribble my reply but the pen and paper vanish and do not return. A knock sounds at the door which makes me stand. However, I stop moving when I hear the voice.

"Feyre?" Tamlin. He tries to open the door but to no avail. It will only open for me and that is how it will always be. "Can we talk?"

I pull the dressing gown around my naked body tighter, covering me more, before I walk to the door. I unlock it and pull on the handle, opening it enough so he can see me but cannot enter.

"Are you alright?" he asks, but I see no concern in his piercing green eyes. Instead, I notice only the lust creeping in as he notices that the dressing gown is the only thing I am wearing. "You weren't at dinner."

"I'm feeling unwell and thought it best to stay away from food." I say and I pray that he does not smell the lie. The last thing I need or want is a repeat of yesterday's actions.

"Are you avoiding me?" he asks and I am glad to see some hurt shift into his features.

You have no idea just how much I am avoiding you. Bastard.

"Is this because of what happened yesterday?" Tamlin shows no sense of being apologetic, or kind.

I feel my anger rise, encouraging my magic to simmer, to bubble within me and threaten to explode again.

I feel a glimmer of support along the bond and against my shields. I then feel what seems like stroking motions against my shields; Rhys encouraging to let me in. I release my shields very slightly and allow my mate in.

" _You should release your anger through words, Feyre darling."_ I withhold my surprise, ensuring my features are neutral. We haven't been able to communicate across the bond since we were separated. It feels so good to hear his voice again. " _It will help to control your powers and perhaps ease your mind slightly."_

"I didn't want to scare you." Tamlin says, drawing her out of her mind.

I scoff. "Of course, you didn't. Do you even realise what you do to me, Tamlin? What you have done?" I ask.

A small smirk appears on his face and I swallow thickly, removing the bile collecting in my throat. That bloody lust he has for me.

"I have a good idea." he says reaching for me. I viciously smack his hand away from me. I try not to allow my claws to break free otherwise I would easily rip out his throat in a heartbeat.

"You have only broken me more, Tamlin."

"What?" he asks, surprise creeping into his face.

"It seems like you do not care for me unless you need or want me. I was a broken girl thanks to Amarantha. You broke me further and allowed me to waste away. This hasn't been my home for a long time because I feel like I do not belong."

"Feyre-"

"Being Under the Mountain was so hard for me. I went there to save everyone; to save you. I was willing to _die_ for you. I hated that I was trapped there, hated everyone around me. But do you know what? I made the best decision ever striking that bargain with Rhysand."

I take some joy in seeing anger control his features; his eyes glassing over and his nostrils flaring. I can sense Rhys smiling on his end of the bond as he listens in.

"If I hadn't made that bargain, I would be dead. Lucien wasn't coming to save me, you certainly weren't so I relied upon Rhysand. He is the reason I am alive, why you and everyone else is free. Without that bargain, Amarantha would still be controlling everyone.

"But that didn't mean anything to you, did it? Once we returned here, you ensured that I was perfect for you. That I dressed, walked, talked and appeared like the perfect partner for the High Lord of the Spring Court. You didn't like me asking questions. You didn't like me getting involved. You always assumed that you knew best."

"Feyre-" Tamlin tries again, but I refuse to back down. I can feel Rhys encouraging me; I need to do this and he knows it.

"On the day you were to claim me as your bride, your _property_ , you ensured that I wore gloves to cover that tattoo. You were trying to erase my sacrifice; imagine it never happened. Erase the broken girl that people couldn't see because that wasn't how I should appear beside someone like you. I had to be perfect; your personal porcelain doll with no imperfections to stain your reputation."

"That isn't what I wanted to do."

"Then what was it, Tamlin?" I ask, shouting now and not caring who else hears. "I sacrificed everything Under the Mountain to protect you and everyone else; to save this land - my land. I was tortured, taunted and beaten. Amarantha made me a murderer. I felt those innocent Fae's pain. I felt my bloody neck _snap_. I _died_ to save everyone."

"I know that." Tamlin says, avoiding my eyes now.

"I was wasting away in this bloody place and you knew it. You locked me up. You refused me the freedom I deserved to have. Being taken away from here was a relief at that point."

Tamlin's head snaps back up.

"If I hadn't been taken, I probably would have ended things myself." I say, quieter now. The façade has dropped slightly. This is me.

I feel sadness from Rhys wash over me in strong waves. This is something I have never told anyone.

My fears.

My despair.

"No, Feyre..."

"Did you ever love me?" I ask.

"How could you ever ask that?" Tamlin asks loudly, his voice dominating mine.

"You don't care! You never noticed that I used to throw my guts up every night! You never noticed how haunted my life became, how meaningless. You refused to acknowledge what had happened to me and how much I sacrificed for everyone; so selfless that I destroyed who I used to be!"

"I love you more than anything, Feyre." Tamlin says, trying to walk into the room but I refuse to let him.

"You don't show it." I say coldly. "You loved human Feyre. But she is long gone. I wonder if the love I had for you simply came from the fact that it was the first time I didn't have to care for others over myself."

"Don't say that, Feyre. I love you."

"Me, or my body?" I ask, looking away. Tears are falling down my cheeks at a rapid pace now but I refuse to wipe them away. He deserves to see the pain he has caused.

"I love every part of you. I love you with everything I have."

"If that is true, why did you do what you did yesterday? I have been through so much and all I saw in your eyes was hate, rage and fucking lust!"

Tamlin takes a step back, retreating into the hall and runs his hand through his golden hair.

"Can you blame me?" he says, his tone shifting now.

That is his response?

Bastard.

Complete and utter fucking bastard.

My anger instinctively raises my shield, blocking everyone and everything out; shoving Rhys out of my mind.

"You were stolen from me, Feyre. That bastard changed you after he took you. I have desperately missed your touch. I have been apart from you far too long and I cannot give you space because I need you; I need to feel you." He tries coming closer to me but I partially close the door and take a step back, blocking him fully.

"You cannot blame me for wanting you, Feyre. I will not apologise."

Anger rises within me again and I slam the door in his face. I quickly place the lock on the door and move over to the bed. With a wave of my hand, my dressing gown appears on the chair and I am wearing a shirt and trouser pyjama set in a deep blue; like one of the various beautiful shades of the night sky.

"Feyre, please." I hear Tamlin say. The handle on the door moves but the wood does not shift. "Stop blocking me out. Let me be with you, my love."

I climb under the sheets, warmed slightly by my magic, and pick up one of the books; a distraction. I look to the door when large thuds begin to resonate.

That bloody fool is trying to break down the door. I hear a large growl.

"Open the door, Feyre."

Before opening my book, I close my eyes and feel the darkness within me cocoon my body like a blanket. The sounds from Tamlin are drowned out, small lights appear like stars and a slight salty, citrus smell washes over me.

His scent.

I suddenly break down. The emotions within me escaping, crushing me. When I feel Rhys against my shields, I allow a small chink for him to enter through and I immediately feel comforted as if he were here with me. I can almost feel him stretching and wrapping his beautiful wings around us; keeping us safe.

" _I am right here, darling. I'm here."_ I feel his whisper ghost over my skin.

I throw the book through the darkness and feel it land on the end of the bed beside the others.

I watch the small stars float around the blanket of shadows and I feel the comfort Rhys is providing me.

" _I don't want to do this for much longer, Rhys."_ I say across the bond, my emotions draining my energy.

" _I know, my love. Just think, when we reunite we shall not leave our bedchamber for at least a week and fill the room with your moans."_

I snort again and feel him chuckle.

" _Still a prick._ " I shoot over.

" _You love it."_

" _I love you."_

 _"And I love you, my lady."_

I smile slightly and release the shadows around me. Tamlin has gone and silence surrounds the room.

I settle down in the covers, wrapping them around me and use my powers to heat the bed, as if Rhys had his arms wrapped around my small frame.

 _"Will you stay until I fall asleep?"_ I ask, feeling sheepish. However, a large wave of love washes over me, soothing me further.

 _"You don't even need to ask, Feyre."_

 _"Goodnight, Rhys. I love you."_

 _"I love you too, Feyre darling."_

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4 - Control Yourself

**A/N: Hello! I am off to Florida in a few days for the first time for a decent length of 11 days so there will obviously not be any updates over that time. Although, the lovely lengthy flights give me plenty of time to plan out more chapters!**

 **Thank you ever so much for your reviews! Also, thank you to those who are still clicking on the favourite and follow buttons!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

The moment my eyes open, I am running out of the bed. My legs tangle in the covers but I pay them no heed as I stumble over to the bathroom. My body once again heaves the food from the previous day out of my aching stomach, the meagre amount consumed anyway, and falls heavily into the toilet. The rancid, acidic taste burns my throat as it makes its sudden and very unwelcome appearance.

Once I am positive that it has ceased, I fall backwards; my back slamming against the chilled stone wall behind me, my knees rising to my chest. I feel the cold bite into my skin but I do not move.

I don't want to move.

I don't want to do anything.

I just want to feel his arms around me. His warmth seeping into my bones. His hand adding gentle pressure as he rubs soothing circles into my back to calm me.

I want to feel him sitting beside me; being patient, waiting for when I am ready.

I want him.

...

 _Being back home is more than I could ever ask for. Being back in Velaris with my family, with my mate, sometimes seems too good to be true; like it is an illusion. But I certainly haven't dared to waste a single second since I escaped the Spring Court._

 _Despite the lengthy and highly enjoyable passionate lovemaking session with Rhys earlier, my mind scatters its thoughts and leaves me in a state of wakefulness. After carefully extracting myself from Rhys' loving embrace, something that took a while as Rhys could sense me leaving and his tender grip increased, I winnowed to the gallery Rhys had installed for me in the house._

 _I found a large canvas and produced various paints in shades of blues and purples before sitting down and picking up one of my larger brushes. The moonlight has been casting a light and calming glow upon the room and now appears to be past the peak of its nightly journey. Somehow, the gentle light calms the whirring in my mind; my thoughts seem to begin assemble themselves and I can focus more on what is in front of me._

 _My short, white lacy nightgown is now bearing the proof of my night-time antics tonight. Large smudges of blue cover the hem from where I have hastily wiped my fingers to clean them from stray paint. The once plain canvas is now alive with slowly merging shades of blue and purple; beginning to mimic the magnificent night sky which is visible from the window._

 _"Feyre, darling." Rhys purrs huskily into my ear, his hands sliding up my back to rest on my shoulders. His lips press against my temple for a moment, encouraging a smile from my lips, before he straightens slightly to stare at the canvas before us. "May I ask why you are painting the beautiful sky of our court when you could be in bed, with me, sleeping?"_

 _I sigh, dropping my hand and resting it in my lap, the paint on the brush adding more colour to my once clean nightgown; it doesn't matter if any more is added at this point._

 _"It wasn't a nightmare, was it?" Rhys asks me, concern in his voice. I turn to face him. "You have been home for a month, darling. You haven't had nightmares for most of that time."_

 _"I know. It wasn't a nightmare. I just couldn't sleep." I whisper, turning back to face the canvas. "My mind hasn't stopped whirring so I came here."_

 _Rhys straddles the remaining section of bench behind me, his arms coming around my waist, his warmth soothing._

 _"What made you paint this?" he asks, kissing the back of my neck for a moment before resting his chin on my shoulder. "You could just look out the window."_

 _"I know," I say, dipping the brush back into the rich purple paint before dabbing it on the canvas. "but the night sky is calming and it feels good to paint it; although, I could never do it justice."_

 _I feel Rhys smile into my hair, his hands now dropping to my hips and grasping them gently._

 _"You truly are a marvel, Feyre. I don't deserve you. You are the owner of my heart, completely."_

Owner.

Tamlin was my owner - against my own will.

He broke me.

 _My hand drops, the brush falling to the floor as sob suddenly pushes its way out of my lips. My body slouches forward before being pulled back into Rhys' strong chest. I feel his forehead momentarily drop on my shoulder and sadness rushes down our bond._

 _"Shit. I'm sorry, my darling." Rhys says, turning me and holding me close to him. One hand goes around my back, the other goes underneath my knees. "I shouldn't have said that."_

 _I continue to sob into his shoulder as he carries me out of the gallery. I only recognise where he has brought me when he gently places me on the silky, and now cold, sheets of our bed._ _He pulls away which causes me to let out a whimper - something that will only ever happen for him - and I increase my grip on his shoulders._

 _"I am just getting you a fresh nightgown, Feyre." he says, placing a hand on my cheek; wiping the tears away. He looks me straight in the eyes. "I will not have paint on these sheets and as much as I love to gaze at and worship your delectable body, I will not have you catching a chill."_

 _I nod and allow him to go to the wardrobe, my eyes tracking every movement; every misplacement of his gorgeous black hair, every rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathes, every flex of those delicious muscles that I have traced my tongue over many times._

 _"Admiring the view?" I hear him ask. He approaches me, the new nightgown over his bare shoulder, his trousers slung low on his hips; almost inviting me to touch him; to love him._

 _"I will always admire this view. I could never get bored." I say, another sob threatening to break free as I remember how we were separated. Rhys stops in front of me and positions me so I am kneeling before him, our eyes connected. His hands tenderly grasp my cheeks, removing any remaining evidence of my recent breakdown. Despite the concern in his eyes, a small smirk appears upon his lips._

 _"I know a better view than the one you are seeing, my love."_

 _His hands go to the hem of my short nightgown and he slowly pulls it up, caressing my skin as the fabric is raised up, and over my head._

 _"This is truly a sight to behold."_

 _A blush burns on my cheeks but I also revel in the look that I have planted on my mate's face from the sight of my naked body before him. Now is not the time to be embarrassed; especially with how much Rhys has seen my naked body before him..._

 _"A sight that only you can see." I say, placing my hands at the nape of his neck. The nightgowns, both clean and paint-riddled, fall to the floor and Rhys' arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to him. I press my nose against his before running the tip of mine over his bridge, teasing him; almost kissing him, then not._

 _"By the Cauldron, I love you."_

 _..._

I snap myself out of my daze; a dream of how things could be. I can feel his hands on my skin, his breath fanning on my face which ends up shifting strands of my hair around, the stark black of our tattoos side by side as our hands go wandering, lovingly and passionately, on each other's body.

Shit. Fucking, bloody shit. I cannot do this to myself.

The longing for my mate is already overpowering enough; having such dreams could lead me into a lot of trouble.

I run my hands through my hair after it has come out of its braid during the night. It is a weak attempt to try and create some order so I stop my actions. I stand shakily and return to the bed, the sheets now cool from the lack of heat supplied from my body. I sit on the edge and notice that dawn is on the horizon.

There is no point staying in bed - I know that sleep will not return to me. I could go hunting, but I haven't the energy for that. I'd go to the gallery and paint but there is no inspiration; not reason to here. Perhaps a walk in the gardens may help.

I take my time in dressing. I remove my pyjamas and put on a deep purple gown, a huge contrast to the pastel coloured gowns that Tamlin prefers, and pull on a pair of thick socks before putting my boots on. I take a brush to my hair, removing the knots and leave it down; I don't care about my appearance - I am not the perfect Fae that Tamlin wants; I am scarred, I have been affected by my past and nothing can erase that so I might as well let it show. At least Rhys understands that.

I leave the room and quickly feel multiple eyes zone in on me. Their gazes leave pinpricks on my skin and anger bubbles within me.

I have to get away from them; even if only for a moment.

Perhaps a bit of a scare for them; a bit of fun for me and it passes the time. They won't be fully alert as it is so early - perhaps they need waking up.

I stop my movements for a moment before taking off at a run, charging down the corridor and turning the corner at the end. The stairs are no problem for me and I miss a few at a time, quickening my pace. I then flow through the rooms before running into the gardens.

Once I am halfway through the bushes, I stop running and revel in the joyous feeling I am experiencing as I hear loud shouts and commotion inside the prison. However, my smile fades as I know that joy fades - I cannot truly feel such a thing without my mate.

I walk around the gardens, trying not to allow the pungent fragrances from the flowers to fill my nose and make me want to gag. Once upon a time, I loved the scent of this place. Now... it is just wrong.

The scent of the food in Velaris. The scent of the trees as we fly over them. The scent of my High Lord.

That is right.

Unlike the large scale of eyes tracking my movements; watching every flick of my fingers, every step my feet take. One thing that Tamlin promised upon my return here was that there would be next-to-no guards present. Of course, that bastard lied. When hasn't he lied?

I turn my back to the manor and walk further out into the garden in the hopes that there will be less guards present; less eyes watching me, judging me.

"Feyre." Tamlin.

Oh, fuck. I am not in the mood for this shit.

I feel something down the bond Rhys and I share but my shields are up and will remain that way for now; regardless of whether he is my mate or not. Just like the battle in Velaris, some things have to be done alone.

Rhys understands that too.

I turn around and see Tamlin approaching me. His face has an expression on it that I cannot really read which instinctively makes me suspicious. I could dare to enter his mind but I would rather not know what he is thinking right now; I can already imagine the lust filled thoughts and I try not to vomit once again as it hasn't been long since I last did.

"Tamlin." I say, shortly. I notice that his hair is sticking up at odd angles and his shirt looks as if it has been hastily thrown on; I got him out of bed in a panic then. Good.

"Feyre, come inside. It is very early and you should be resting." Tamlin says, remaining a few paces away from me - for the moment, anyway. His eyes trace over me and I inwardly curse myself for choosing a dress with a low neckline.

"Why are you really here, Tamlin?" I question, my tone exasperated. This brings his eyes back up to mine.

"I thought you were being controlled because the guards alerted me that you were running through the halls." He doesn't try to keep the venom out of his voice. Venom aimed at me.

Of course, he would fucking think that. It is his bloody excuse for everything.

"I woke from a nightmare," I say, taking a step forward, fire surely blazing in my eyes. "I was still reeling in it so forgive me that my instincts told me to run when I felt a lot of people watching me!"

"You could have come to me." Tamlin steps forward, his arms raised as if to embrace me but I take a few steps back.

"You promised me that there would be no more guards following me but that was clearly a false promise. You want to keep me trapped here at all costs - you are a monster, Tamlin."

"That is just that bastard talking, Feyre." Tamlin says, his eyes narrowing. "Don't let him win."

"Bastard? He showed me kindness, Tamlin. He _helped_ me."

I know I am letting my guard down now, but I cannot help it. He is disrespecting my mate.

"He stole you." Tamlin's voice is slowly getting lower, more threatening. "He stole you from me and that makes him nothing more than a bastard whore."

I withhold my flinch at his words. Beneath the surface, my powers are colliding with one another. Shadows are consuming fire, ice is freezing water, wind is encouraging the flames to spiral out of control. My self restraint will not hold much longer...

" _Stole?!_ I am not your property!" I shout, surely attracting the attention of everyone around us. I don't care anymore; not really. I have no friends here; only enemies - even more so since Alis disappeared.

"You are _mine!_ " Tamlin shouts, igniting the fire within me even further. "No one else's, Feyre. Mine!"

I belong to no man. Not even my mate; my mate who I would give up everything to protect. I am not Rhys' property, nor does he expect me to be. I am a free woman who possesses so much power. I could crush Tamlin with a single thought.

"I am not yours! You trapped me in here like an animal! I owe you nothing."

"I would quickly do it again to ensure I keep you, Feyre." Tamlin says, his breathing becoming heavier. "I will not lose you."

I walk backwards, away from the despicable Fae in front of me. I drop my shields enough to allow Rhys in.

 _I can't do this anymore_. A large gimmer of concern travels to me.

 _Feyre? Darling, what is wrong?_

 _Help me, Rhys. Please._

 _Feyre?!_

Tamlin walks forward, closing the gap between us quicker than I can extend. I quickly erect the shield of wind I used on him before and he immediately stops in his tracks. It gives me the moments I need to move backwards. A low growl resonates from him.

"Stop blocking me, Feyre. Let me help you. Let me heal you."

I look at him, my brows furrowing.

"You have never helped me, Tamlin. Not here. Not when we were... were Under the Mountain. All you have done is assist in breaking me." I say. "You don't really love me. You love the idea of me; an easy conquest for you. I mean, what is a mortal heart really? Something so fleeting in a Fae life; it is insignificant."

"That is not true, Feyre. I love you and always will. I am protecting you from those who would hurt you if they had the chance."

"You are not protecting me, Tamlin." I say, throwing my arms up. "You are trapping me! You don't trust me!"

"Of course, I trust you!" Tamlin says, his hand up against the shield. "I have always trusted you!"

"Then why am I always followed? Why do you hate me wanting to leave so confine me to the house?!"

"Because I _refuse_ to lose you to that bastard again! You are mine!"

I walk right up to the shield, fire threatening to burst free from my body, my talons from my knuckles.

"I am not yours!" I growl at him.

"You are mine, Feyre. You promised to marry me, and you will. You will be my wife and you will stay by my side forever." Tamlin says, his talons now scraping at the shield in the hopes of breaking it.

I walk backwards again. I take a few deep breaths to simmer down my powers.

"I will never be yours because I am not some porcelain doll to be protected, High Lord. I am a High Fae who deserves to be respected after _everything I have done_! I have sacrificed everything. Without that sacrifice, you would not be alive - you would not have your power and Amarantha would have won.

"You _cannot_ disregard the sacrifice I made in the name of Prythian. I could have stayed in the mortal lands and lived out my life but I came back to save _everyone_. Perhaps it would have been a blessing if I died during those bloody trials Amarantha forced me to do; I do wonder if it would be better if I had. But then I realise something, Tamlin.

"I am not a pet. I am not a doll. I am not an animal. I can be strong. I will be a survivor."

Before he speaks, I feel Rhys shove at my mental shields as he enters; letting me know he is there.

 _The wards around the Court have been strengthened since your return there which means we are unable to enter and get you like before. You will need to go to where you saw Mor yesterday; where it is easy to reach you, darling. I promise we will see you soon. Stay calm, stay safe and know I love you._

I look at Tamlin, loosening the shield very slightly so he knows that I am leaving.

"Stay away from me."

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	5. Chapter 5 - Who I Am

**A/N: Hello wonderful people! I am so sorry about the delay in this chapter. I had hoped to get this chapter posted at the start of the month before I went to Barcelona but I ran out of time and the wifi out there was shocking. So, here it is. I do hope it doesn't disappoint and I apologise for any typos!**

 **Thank you so much for all of your reviews and support thus far - it means a lot!**

 **Enjoy the chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

It doesn't take me long to quickly return to my room. I felt Tamlin's eyes follow me into the house and as I climbed the stairs, the fury that leaked from him seemed to envelop me like thick smoke.

I know that I cannot make my move until night falls. Though my body yearns to leave as quickly as I possibly can, to leave this second, I would certainly be followed and risk never returning home.

Or worse, endanger the lives of my family and my entire court.

I cannot, and will not, take that risk.

I allow the rest of the day to pass. I bathe in deliciously hot water for as long as possible, winnow fruit in to me when my stomach grumbles unpleasantly - not accepting anything offered through the ignored multiple insistent knocks at the door - and continue reading the books I have until night has fallen, a dark blanket on the land. I hear the house slowly grow silent and I know that this is my opportunity - and I am definitely going to take it.

I drop the book down on the covers of my bed before hastily walking to my wardrobe to remove my Illyrian fighting leathers. When I place them on my body, I instantly notice that they are no longer moulded to my body but are, instead, loose and partially hanging off areas.

All of that healing, all of that progress I made with Rhys has disappeared.

It makes me want to kill that bastard even more. To be perfectly honest, it is amazing I haven't already - but I have plans that ensure he suffers.

I remove the weapons I stowed within the bottom of the wardrobe and fix them to various places on my body. I hold out my hand and a mere second later, my knife belt appears. I drop it to the floor and place my currently socked feet through the two separate loops before raising it up and fixing it in its position on my suit. Using my fingers, I sweep my hair back and braid it before tying it off.

I wave my hand over my body once I have slipped my feet into my boots to help blend in - just in case. To everyone, I appear to be wearing a simply deep purple dress with a tattered brown cloak around my shoulders; so simple that I will, hopefully, be overlooked and undisturbed.

I walk to the door of my room, not bothering to cast my gaze back to the room that has held me prisoner many times, and soundlessly open it. I am surprised about the lack of guards outside my door but apparently, yelling at Tamlin has done its desired job.

I take a step out of the doorway and am greeted by utter silence - even the crackle of the torches at the end of the corridor seems quieter. Using my Fae sense of smell, I try to determine whether the tang of magic is present. I cannot detect anything and I have no unshakable feeling that something is wrong. Perhaps my anxiousness to get home is making me uneasy. I shake my head to push any unwanted thoughts away.

I can leave in peace. No one is paying any attention to me.

I leave the door to my room open as I pad down the corridor, ensuring that I remain as quiet as possible. I notice a guard at the bottom of the stairs and swiftly enter his mind, causing him to fall unconscious so I can continue on my way. As I reach the half-way point on the stairs, Lucien comes into view below me. I don't try to hide; curiosity getting the better me when I see his clenched fists, tense shoulders and bowed head.

"Lucien?" My voice is cautious - he should be asleep right now. His head snaps in surprise, clearly not expecting me either. I feel a gasp escape my lips at the sight of his face; his metal eye whirring slightly and his once good eye now sporting a very large, and bleeding, black eye. It is obvious that Tamlin did this - he has enough power in him to slow Lucien's healing considerably.

"Feyre? You shouldn't be here." he says, meeting me on the stairs. My eyes remain fixed on his injury.

"I am not returning to my cage, like an animal." I whisper harshly. Lucien shakes me head, looking forwards Tamlin's study before looking back at me.

"No. You shouldn't be _here_." He takes a gentle hold of my arm and guides me out of the front of the house. We stop after we have reached the end of the driveway and are past the gates.

"Tamlin did this to you, didn't he." I don't need to ask him; it is very clear.

"He knows that he is losing you again, Feyre." Lucien says and I shrug.

"He lost me the moment he trapped me in that house and left me there. He believes I was stolen by the Night Court but that was never the case; I was rescued."

"I know, Feyre." Lucien says, his hand going to my shoulder for a moment to squeeze it. "I could see how much you had changed and how better you looked after you left. But now, you're fading again."

I narrow my eyes. "You sound like you want to help me." I say, slowly. I am still unsure about him.

"I do, Feyre." he says, taking one of my hands in his. "I need to see my mate again and you are the only person I can trust."

"Why not your precious Tamlin?" I ask, not even attempting to remove the distain from my voice.

"How do you think I ended up like this; bruised and bleeding?" he asks, gesturing with his spare hand to the now ceased flow of blood.

"Why exactly did he hurt you?"

"He's pissed because he knows for sure now that he mortal the newly Made Feyre no longer exists; he cannot manipulate you anymore. You may have loved him once but he ensured that love faded once and for all. I pointed that out slightly to him and mentioned Elain and well..."

I look down for moment, pulling my hand from his. When I look back up, I nod and encourage him to continue.

"I heard your argument earlier. You are right, Feyre. Your sacrifice should not be disregarded because you saved every one of us. I'm so sorry that I didn't respect that sooner."

"It's okay." I mumble.

"I'm also sorry about how I have acted around you. When we had that conversation after your return, I was trying to determine which side you were on. Your words said Spring but your anger suggested Night. You made it so clear - all of my wrongdoings against you - that the Night Court is where you belong.

"You aren't free here. This place is just full of bad memories. Tamlin has changed too much since you left and after what happened on Calanmai-"

"What happened on Calanmai? I hadn't even realised it had passed." Calanmai wasn't celebrated in the Night Court and I was told it is celebrated throughout Prythian. I'll have to ask Rhys about it.

"You know how it works - the High Lord is forced to choose a maiden and beds her for magic, but you weren't there."

"Who was?" I couldn't give a shit if Tamlin fucked another - he is nothing to me.

"Ianthe."

My talons immediately extract, fire burning on their tips. That bitch.

"That whore fucked Tamlin."

Lucien nods, taking a step back as the fire grows.

"Does Tamlin realise just what she is? What she has done?!" I asks, images of her trying to seduce my mate seared into my mind. That foul bitch who ensured my sisters became something they always despised.

"Even what happened in Hybern hasn't changed his opinion of her - he trusts her despite her betrayal. He has been secretly communicating with her too."

I breathe deeply for a few moments before extinguishing the flames and drawing my talons in.

"She did something to Rhysand, didn't she? I recognise that look in your eye; anger." Lucien comments, moving slightly closer.

"Tried to seduce him years ago. She failed but that bitch is so repulsive." I shudder.

"Forget about her for now." Lucien says. I notice that he is shifting on his feet, much like I am. He drops his head for a moment before looking at me once more; his eye looking slightly better already.

"What is it?"

"I know you are out here to return to your true home. My mate is there - split from me. You know exactly how that feels." I nod. "Take me to her. Please."

My brows raise slightly in surprise at his words. "You want to go to the Night Court? The place you claim to hate with your entire being."

Lucien nods. "I need to see her - to be with her."

I mull it over for a second before stepping closer. "I will return in about four days. Meet me on the Autumn Court border and I will winnow you to my home."

A smile lights up on Lucien's face; one I feel I cannot return.

"Thank you, Feyre."

I nod to him. "I should go whilst I can."

"Of course, I will see you in a few days." Lucien says, placing his hand on my shoulder again before walking away; back to the house. I winnow over to the border in front of the lake which now reflects the light of the moon above.

"Feyre."

I whip around and see Tamlin standing a foot inside the border. He takes in my appearance and his brows furrow.

"Come home." he says, walking towards me.

"I told you to stay away, Tamlin." I say, taking a step back.

"You didn't mean that, Feyre. You were just tired." he replies, closing the gap I made.

"How many times does it need to be said to get into that thick head? I don't want to be near you, Tamlin! I don't love you!"

Tamlin grows unlike I have ever heard before and it sends fear into my body; reverting me back to the mortal I once was. For a moment I am frozen, and that is all he needs.

His hands grab hold of my arms in a vice grip I cannot shake and his disgusting mouth goes to my neck, running his lips and tongue over my skin.

"You don't mean that." Tamlin says into my ear. I struggle against him, attempting to remove his hold but to no avail. "You just need to remember how it feels to be touched by me; loved by me; fucked by me."

As I continue to struggle against him, he somehow undoes the clasp of my magic induced cloak with his teeth and moves back up to kiss the skin of my neck once more. I swallow the bile that rises sharply in my throat. I realise that I cannot escape him if I attempt to use my arms; so I use my knee.

I thrust my knee upwards, connecting it forcefully with his manhood. He howls, throwing himself backwards. I take the opportunity to winnow myself to the border's edge. I spare glances to the left and right, my erratic heart slowing slightly at the glimpse of Mor at the edge of the trees.

Tamlin turns and faces me, his back hunched and clearly still in pain. Good.

"You need to remember what _we_ shared, Feyre."

"I do." I say, honestly. This stops Tamlin in his tracks and he smiles. Ugh. "I remember loving you. I remember the kindness you showed me. I remember some lovely moments. But I remember the loneliness, the manipulation and the exclusion from everything too. I remember the relief of not marrying you; of not saying 'no' in front of the entire court. I remember the support of the Night Court to help me heal and survive.

"I remember finding my true home, my true self when I was rescued by the Night Court."

In the corner of my eye, I see Mor move slightly before she appears beside Tamlin, making him jump. She walks over to me and stands to my right, just slightly behind.

"I see you've brought one of Rhysand's pets." Tamlin says coldly. He is taking small steps forward, thinking I won't notice. How sweet but he isn't getting far.

"No, I brought family here. To watch me." I say, feeling slightly stronger now Mor is here, by my side.

"Family?" Tamlin scoffs.

Suddenly, shadows roll in and my heart almost bursts. I struggle to keep my mask on but I do it, just like Rhys does; my emotions can be revealed later.

"Yes, her family." Rhys says, placing his hands in his pockets as he stops right beside me on my left. I remove the enchantment covering my clothes to reveal my heavily armed Illyrian fighting leathers. I see Tamlin's eyes bulge and I cannot help but smirk.

"What are you doing, Feyre?" Tamlin asks, no longer moving.

"I am being who I truly am." I say.

Tamlin furrow his brow. "And who are you really if not Feyre, the love of my life and, almost, Lady of Spring?"

I proudly remove the glamour over the tattoo on my arm and feel a wave of strength down the bond.

"I am the High Lady of the Night Court and I bow to no one, not even my beloved mate. I possess strength and the ability to cut down anyone who stands in my way; that certainly includes you."

Tamlin looks as if he has been physically struck. He looks between the three of us before settling his gaze back on me.

"You cannot leave me, Feyre. I love you."

"Poor little Lord." I say, a mock pout on my face. "Your feelings have no significance. Why don't you run off to the whore who is the reason my sisters have become something they have always despised with their entire beings."

"I want you Feyre, not Ianthe."

I feel Rhys stiffen beside me very slightly. I resist the almost uncontrollable urge to wrap myself around him; instead settling to push my love and comfort down our bond. I feel him respond in kind.

"You don't have me and you never will. You live to control, Tamlin. I live to be free."

I take a few steps forward whilst Rhys and Mor stand back. I drag my mental claws along the edge of Tamlin's mind, drawing out a flinch, before I plunge in - gripping him.

"Tell me what happened to Alis; what you did to her." I am giving him a single chance, nothing more.

Tamlin remains silent, a challenge as if I couldn't do it. So, I push in and search through his memories until I find what I'm looking for.

 _"How could you let them take her from me?!" Tamlin - I - roar at Alis as she sits chained to a chair in the dungeons below the house._

 _"I'm sorry, my lord. I- I had no choice." Alis says, her face dripping blood from multiple wounds and Tamlin winds up, ready to inflict more._

 _"No choice?! She is_ mine _, Alis and you should not have allowed her to be taken."_

 _I feel the impact of his - mine, our - fist as it connects with her body over and over. Her cries are ignored as he lashes out at her._

 _"You failed! You allowed her to be taken!"_

 _"I wanted to he-" Alis attempts to say, blood dripping from her mouth._

 _"She is gone because of you! You will suffer for this!"_

 _After another strike, Alis grows silent._

 _"Unchain her and throw her in the coldest cell. Do not feed her until I say." Tamlin says before we walk out of the room._

I quickly withdraw from his mind, my breathing heavy. I feel strong heat in my hands as I move forward. However, I am stopped by a hand on each shoulder.

"Don't let him win, Feyre." Rhys whispers in my ear.

 _He cannot get away with this Rhys._

 _And he won't, darling. Trust me, he won't._

I allow myself to be gently guided back.

"You are truly a monster." I say, shrugging off Rhys' hand on my shoulder. "I should cut you down where you stand." I see Tamlin swallow thickly, taking a small step back. "But, I won't."

Tamlin's brows furrow and I feel curiosity leak down the bond.

"You deserve to know that you lost; that you lost me thanks to your actions and you will never have me again."

I delve once more into Tamlin's mind and using my powers, block and manoeuvre certain thoughts and areas. This will keep us safe, I know it.

"You will always remember this, Tamlin, but you will never be able to speak of it. You will always know where, and who, I am but for everyone else, they will be told by you that I am roaming your lands to be alone, away from everyone."

"Feyre, please-" Tamlin is immediately cut off when I step forward.

"For the rest of your life, you will know that the Cursebreaker and her mortal heart are too good for you."

I hear Rhys chuckle behind me but I ignore him for the moment, I need to finish this.

"Every two days you will send a report to us on Hybern's progress and plans. Failure to do so will mean that with a single thought, I will blow Spring Court to pieces and you, High Lord, will watch helpless as I do so."

Tamlin's eyes widen before he looks down... and bows.

I keep my surprise under control as Tamlin rises. His face looks pained and he can no longer make eye contact which makes me smirk once more.

"Now this is certainly a moment I will remember." Rhys says, stepping forward. Of course, he cannot resist. "But, I believe that my delicious High Lady deserves far more respect than that. Kneel."

Tamlin stares at me before looking at Rhys. Very reluctantly, Tamlin goes down onto his knees, dropping his chin to his chest.

"Lower." Rhys commands and Tamlin bows over slightly. "I said, lower." Rhys goes over and pushes on Tamlin's back so his forehead is touching the grass beneath us.

"Well done." I say, walking towards him and raising his chin with the toe of my boot. "Now, run along home." Tamlin sits back on his heels, staring at me with pain in his eyes before he winnows out.

As soon as he is gone, the mask disappears and my knees buckle. Strong arms quickly encase my waist and I am wrapped in Rhys' embrace. He moves so he is in front of me and my arms immediately go around his shoulders, my face burying itself into his neck. A comforting warmth surrounds us and I move my face enough to see my mate's glorious wings circling us. A sob releases itself from my throat and Rhys' arms automatically tighten around me.

"I missed you so much." I say into his skin.

"I missed you too, my darling." He places a kiss into my hair and I feel his cheek rest against my temple. "I am not letting you go again - I cannot bear it."

I draw back to look in those dazzling violet eyes. "Never let me do something like that again, Rhys." I tell him. One hand goes into his hair whilst the other goes to his cheek. The love shining in his eyes makes the mating bond between us come alive and I can feel my body yearning to feel his loving touch.

"Never."

His wings slowly drop and tuck behind him once more. I turn my head to see Mor waiting patiently for us. I step away from Rhys, swiftly missing his warmth but go to Mor.

"You really helped me the other day, Mor. Thank you." I says, pulling her in for a hug.

"I'm just glad you're coming home." she says, pulling back. "Rhys can stop being a complete and utter bastard now."

I move backwards and feel Rhys full my back to his chest, his hands wrapping tight around my waist and propping his chin up on my shoulder.

"He may be a total prick, Mor," I say, my hands running over his strong forearms. "but he is all I could ever want."

"Especially the sex." Rhys mumbles into my ear, kissing it. He makes a blush scatter on my cheeks, heating them and my aching need for him increase.

"Come on," Mor says, holding her hand out. "let's go home."

...

Seeing my beautiful Velaris again out of the window makes me cry. I allow the tears to fall as I study the familiar walls of my home.

"It's alright, darling." Rhys says to me, kissing my cheek and effectively kissing the tears away from the left side of my face. I close my eyes. "You're home now. You're safe."

"Feyre?" My eyes shoot open and my head snaps up at the sound of Nesta's voice. I barely see her before I am, surprisingly, engulfed in a hug. "I thought I would never see you again!" she says and draws back, taking in my appearance. I turn my head to see Elain who smiles and gives me a silent hug before stepping back beside Nesta. I almost want to tell Elain about Lucien - she doesn't look too good without her mate present - but that can wait until tomorrow.

"It's alright, I'm alright. I'm not leaving again." I assure. Rhys' arm goes back around my waist and we stand hip to hip.

"You don't look alright." Nesta says, her voice dark and I can see the power rising within her. "You look very sick. That bastard deserves to die a million times over for what he has put you through." Her hands begin to shake and her eyes grow deadly.

"Nesta," Rhys' tone of voice is firm. "breathe." Surprisingly, she complies and takes a few deep breaths.

"Thank you." Nesta says before looking back at me as if she had never changed. "You should rest, sister. You need it. We can talk tomorrow."

I nod, already feeling my body slumping and Rhys' hold gradually tightening to keep me up. Nesta loops her arm with Elain's.

"We love you." Elain says, a small smile present.

"I love both of you, too." I say and watch them walk away, presumably into the room they have just vacated.

Rhys embraces me tighter to him and a moment later, we are standing at the foot of his - _our_ \- bed.

Silently, he removes every weapon from my body, his hands sliding around and creating a rather delicious friction. I make a nightgown appear, short and lacy like in my dream, and place it over Rhys' shoulder.

His hands pull off my boots, followed by my socks, before he rests the top of his head against my thighs. His hands skim the back of my knees before running up and down my covered calves. I can feel the heat of his hands as he soaks in this moment and my hands go to his hair, my fingers separating and moving the tendrils messily.

Then, very slowly, my mate divulges me of my fighting leathers. Whilst I can feel the strong need and desire wash over me down our bond, Rhys' eyes are pained as he takes in my body; bones once again clear all over. He places a warm and tender kiss on my collarbone, now very prominent, before draping the nightgown over me. As soon as it is on, my hands go to his chest, my fingers toying with the thin fabric of his midnight blue shirt, and his go around my waist.

I, once again, place my face in the crook of his neck to inhale our scent. His hands move comfortingly in small circles on my back which just encourages all of my pent up emotions to be released. I begin to sob into my mate's shoulder, glad that I can now let all of this out.

"I'm here, darling. It's alright." Rhys says, patiently comforting me. I pull away from him and walk to the window, trying to stop my gross sobbing. He doesn't need to see this. I feel Rhys' arms wrap around my waist from behind and just like earlier, he places his chin on my shaking shoulder.

"Hush, Feyre." he coos, holding me tighter. It only makes me sob harder. He turns me around and places his hands on my cheeks, making me look at him. "Feyre, look at me. Focus on me."

I try to look in his eyes but my tears blur my vision making them unclear; but I still see the despair within those violet orbs. I try to control my breathing but struggle to regulate my gulps of air. I take hold of Rhys' wrists, gripping them tightly to convey my panic.

"Shit!" he suddenly exclaims, recognising my struggle.

Rhys surges forward and claims my lips with his own. I can vaguely feel his thumbs stroking my cheeks but I pay attention to his lips moving against mine. When he draws back, he rests his forehead against mine. I manage to catch my breath and any trace of tears is lovingly wiped away.

"That's better." Rhys says, his voice soft. I nod slightly.

"I'm sorry." I say, my voice small.

"No, no, no." Rhys says, drawing back further and staring intently at me. "You needed that."

I look down but Rhys gently tips my eyes back up to his.

"These past few weeks have been complete hell without you. But I know for sure that what I went through was nothing compared to what you have endured."

He nuzzles his nose against mine before kissing me very gently. His hands move to my hips.

"I know about your nightmares, Feyre." Rhys says and I can tell he is hesitant.

I suck in a breath as separate images appear in my mind; not just in flashes either. I see Rhys, lying in a large pool of his own blood. Rhys with an ash dagger through his heart. Rhys' lifeless eyes forever staring at me.

"Shit, shit, shit! I'm sorry!" Rhys suddenly exclaims and for a second, I am confused. But, I then reach inwards and realise that my shields are currently non-existent. I forcefully snap them back up before resting my forehead against Rhys' chin.

"How often have you seen them?" I ask, keeping my face hidden. Rhys uses on hand to rub my back whilst the other remains on my hip.

"It is very rare that I see or experience anything but the other day after not just seeing but experiencing _that_ dream," he stops for a moment, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I knew that I had to send someone to do something."

"Mor said that you shut yourself away."

"I woke up when you did, knowing that you were throwing your guts up and I wasn't there. I went to Mor, shook her awake and demanded that she find you. As soon as I was alone in here, I release the damper on my powers and within mere seconds, the room was destroyed - everything was just blown apart."

I pull away from Rhys and see his eyes filled with tears; an incredibly rare sight.

"Rhys-"

"I was tempted to leave this place as it was but I just couldn't. I righted everything to make sure it was perfect for you when you came home."

I lean in to Rhys and kiss him. Immediately, my tongue snakes through his lips and tangles with his. I feel his hands squeeze my hips before sliding around and grabbing my bottom to pull me closer. However, though my body tingles all over with desire and need, my talons are threatening to burst free instead.

I push myself away from him, the talons laced with fire suddenly appearing as panic sets in. I continue walking backwards until my back hits the wall which I then slide down; my knees to my chest and my eyes fixated on my hands.

"Breathe, Feyre." Rhys says, quietly. He kneels down a few paces from me, his hands partially raised until he realises the gesture and drops them. "It's alright. He cannot touch you anymore. He cannot hurt you."

My eyes meet his. A small and comforting smile rests on his face and seeing this extinguishes the flames. The talons begin to withdraw back into my hands.

"That's it, darling. Just relax." Rhys moves forward and stops a pace from me. He doesn't reach out to me just yet; aware that I may need time and he does not push me.

I shouldn't do this to him. Rhys is my mate, for fuck sake. I shouldn't be so fucking stupid; so fucking broken.

"Please don't think that." Rhys whispers and I inwardly curse that I allowed my shields to drop again. I watch as Rhys moves so he is now kneeling right beside me. He takes my right hand in his, our tattoos matching each other.

"You told me that you were broken and healing when we were back in that cabin, Feyre. Yes, that progress was reverted but it starts again from today. You're home now and you are so strong." He places a kiss on my hand. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Feyre. You are magnificent and wonderful," he leans in to me and places a kiss on my temple before whispering in my ear. "and absolutely delicious."

I snort very slightly before sighing. "We're finally back together, Rhys, and all I am doing is blubbering."

Rhys smiles slightly before suddenly picking me up. He takes me over to the bed and carefully places me on the covers. I watch as he removes his boots and shirt before walking to his side, leaning over and pulling on the sheets. They move enough beneath me so I can shift my legs underneath and shuffle down. I turn onto my side and feel Rhys climb in behind me. An arm slides beneath my neck, acting as my pillow, and the other wraps around my waist - his hand making is home for the night between my breasts. I take a strong hold of that hand, placing a kiss on the warm skin before curling our fingers together and resting them against my heart.

Rhys moves even closer so his body moulds around my back and a leg is thrown over mine.

"I never thought that this would happen again - I expected to never leave that prison." I whisper after a moment of silence.

"It's happening. You're safe and you're home." Rhys says before placing a kiss on my neck. "You should sleep: you need it, darling."

"I don't think I can."

I receive no reply from Rhys but a comforting warmth surrounds his - his wings. In the darkness the wings provide, I create small orbs of light to mimic the stars that currently hang outside of our window.

"I'm not going anywhere, my love. We are both staying right here."

Rhys places another kiss on my neck before resting his head there; his warm breath fanning over my skin.

"I love you so much." I mumble, the warmth around me helping to calm me down.

"I love you too, Feyre."

I reach my free hand out and run a single finger over the edge of a wing. Rhys groans in my ear and his arms tighten around me.

"You're such a tease, High Lady."

"And you're a complete prick, High Lord." My voice drops as I feel sleep begin to claim me. "But I love and cherish you more than anything."

Rhys says nothing and simply holds me impossibly closer.

I know that this is truly where I belong; in the arms of my mate - safe and loved.

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	6. Chapter 6 - Holding Me Tight

**A/N: Wow! It has been too long since I updated 'YAML' and I am so sorry! Yes, that previous chapter was not the final one! I don't want to end it with Feyre being rescued and assuming a happy ever after is immediate for her. Sadly, we know for our poor Feyre, it isn't that easy!**

 **Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews on the previous chapter and for those who have clicked on the favourite and follow buttons! WELCOME to the new followers and readers of this fanfiction - lovely to have you here!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

 _"It's happening. You're safe and you're home." Rhys says before placing a kiss on my neck. "You should sleep: you need it, darling."_

 _"I don't think I can."_

 _I receive no reply from Rhys but a comforting warmth surrounds us - his wings._

 _But then, suddenly, that warmth is ripped away and the solid weight of Rhys is no longer behind me. I flip over in the bed, fear encasing my heart, and see Rhys on his knees beside the bed and his hair is fisted in a large hand, pulling his head right back as an ash dagger hovers threateningly over his heart._

 _"You either choose to come with me now and I mercifully spare his worthless life," Tamlin says, baring his teeth at me. "or you choose him and he dies right here, right now; a painful death."_

 _I quickly get to my knees on the bed and move onto Rhys' side, my eyes looking desperately at my mate's body. At my movements, the ash dagger pushes against Rhys' chest further, threatening to pierce his skin. He is wearing his stupid mask and not letting anything show in those violet orbs. I throw myself at his mental shields but the opening we have for each other is non-existent. There is no fucking way in._

 _Tears fill my eyes, my heart picking up its rhythm, when I look up at Tamlin who simply has rage in his gaze._

 _"I will not go back to being your prisoner, Tamlin. You have lost and must accept that." I say, my voice shaking ever so slightly. I make my hands into fists, covering up the shaking in the appendages. "I will not give up on my family. I will not give up on my mate!"_

 _Tamlin tilts his head as I move forward a bit more, towards the edge of the bed with the covers tangling around my legs._

 _"Is that your final decision?" he asks, gripping the ash dagger tighter and pushing it in even more. I look into Rhys' eyes and see the slight tinge of fear there now. I try again at his shields; once again, nothing. I pull my gaze from him and on to Tamlin._

 _"I choose to be free and in love. I may have accepted being yours once, Tamlin, but I am forever Rhys' as he is mine."_

 _"Decision made then." Tamlin smiles viciously before tugging Rhys' head back further and raising the arm holding the dagger. Sudden fear grips me, my own and Rhys' flooding at me full force, and my eyes widen._

 _By the Cauldron, no._

 _"Tamlin! No, don-"_

 _His arm swiftly plunges down, forcefully shoving the dagger into Rhys' stomach._

 _"No!" I scream, clambering off of the bed and catching my mate's body before he slams into the stone floor beneath us after Tamlin shoves him away. "Rhys, Rhys!"_

 _Finally, Rhys looks at me without his mask. It is heartbreakingly clear how much pain he is in - pain I cannot relieve him of. Tears build in both of our eyes._

 _"Hold on, Rhys. You will be alright. You have to be." I say, my voice breaking as I look down at the blood pooling out of his stomach; too much blood._

 _Too fucking much._

 _"Feyre, run." Rhys says, his tears falling now. I hastily wipe them away, not wanting his life to end now; denying that he is about to die. "Run from him. Be free. Be safe. Be you."_

 _I shake my head quickly. My hands press into his cheeks, stroking his skin and noticing the cold already seeping in._

 _"I don't want to be without you. I can't." I sob and I can see him slipping from me. His eyes are glazing over, his beautiful tanned skin growing pale._

 _"Darling, let me go."_

 _I shake my head again, pushing Rhys' hair from his face._

 _"No, I love you. I am not leaving you." I exclaim, holding onto him tighter._

 _"I love you too, Feyre, so much. But go - don't let him win." Rhys' voice grows weaker._

 _"Hold on, please." I beg, taking one of his hands in mine as one remains on his cheek._

 _His skin is too cold._

 _"I'm sorry. I'm so... sorry." he mumbles, his eyes closing._

 _"No, Rhys. Please! What about our future together?" I ask, my words jumbling together as I try to keep him with me._

 _"I'll just... be happy knowing you have... one." Rhys says before gasping in pain. He opens his eyes, clearly with a great amount of effort, and looks straight at me._

 _It looks like he is about to say something but then his breath escapes him and he grows still._

 _No._

 _"No! That's not enough for me!" I take hold of his shoulders and shake him but his eyes remain lifeless, his body remains motionless._

 _I am suddenly wrenched back from his body. I thrash around, my legs flying as I try to fight Tamlin's grip._

 _"No! Rhys!" I scream, trying to get back to my mate. "Rhys! Please! Rhys!"_

 _"Your precious Rhysand cannot help you anymore." Tamlin whispers in my ear before dragging me out of the room._

 _"Rhys!"_

 _..._

My eyes shoot open and I frantically pull off the covers from my body before sprinting to the bathroom and vomiting into the toilet. I feel the acidic liquid burn like fire in my throat and sobs force their way out, along with hot tears. The nausea builds once more and I feel my hair being swept back just before I force the last trace of anything from my stomach.

"Easy, darling." Rhys says, rubbing circles into my back as I push away from the toilet rim. "Take it easy."

He sits down against the wall and pulls me into his lap, holding me until it is clear that I am not going to vomit anymore. I rest my head in the crook of his neck as tiredness washes over me slightly.

"Can we go back to bed, please?" I ask, holding onto Rhys tighter. Rhys presses a small glass filled with water into my hand.

"Have some of this and rinse out your mouth." Rhys says, gently. He adjusts his arms around me before standing and setting me on my feet in front of the sink.

I take a mouthful of water, swirling it around my mouth before spitting it out into the basin before me. I take a small sip and swallow it before repeating it with another. I take a deep breath before I place the glass beside the sink and Rhys immediately picks me up again.

He walks us back to our bed and reverently places me on the covers before climbing over me, earning a slight chuckle from me, and lays behind my body, holding me; just like last night.

"You managed to shut me out so I didn't see it; I wasn't even aware of it until I was woken when I felt you run to the bathroom." Rhys says and I can hear the hesitation in his voice. I run my hand over his forearm; a signal that it is alright to continue. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I take in a deep breath, trying to order my thoughts; trying to push away my emotions enough to speak. Rhys' grip tightens as he holds me closer, his chin going onto my shoulder.

"We were about to go to sleep, like last night. You wrapped your wing around us and then suddenly you were gone." I say, my voice quiet. "Tamlin held an ash dagger to you and... you can guess what happened..."

I feel Rhys press tender kisses to my neck and he holds me to him even tighter; reassuring me that he is still here.

"You don't have to repeat it, darling." he whispers, pressing a kiss to my ear. "I'm here now, that is what matters; us, together."

I feel the bond between pull and bring us impossibly closer. I turn in Rhys' arms and place my hand on his cheek, seeing his eyes filled with so much love for me.

I pull his face to me and capture his lips with mine. After a few seconds, I run my tongue over his bottom lip, encouraging him to open his mouth to me. As our tongues begin to run against each other's, I feel Rhys' hand slide over my outer thigh, pushing my short nightgown up, before pulling my leg up so my thigh hugs his hip.

I pull him even closer to me so we are chest to chest, stomach to stomach, core to core - everywhere pressed against each other's body. Rhys pulls his lips from mine and looks at me, his thumb stroking over the skin of my thigh. Our need for each other fills the space around us, drowning us.

"Are you sure, Feyre?" he asks me.

I don't think I have been more sure of anything...

"Love me, Rhys." I whisper, connecting my eyes to his. "Just... love me."

...

Spending continuous hours with my mate still does not feel like enough.

The midday sun is out full force but that is of absolutely no significance to either of us. I sit, straddling Rhys' hips as his face is buried in my neck, nuzzling and kissing my skin; encouraging gasps to release themselves unbidden from my kiss swollen lips. My arms are around his shoulders, a hand threading through his hair to keep him close. I close my eyes, breathing in our combined scent.

"Is there a possibility that you are happy, by any chance?" Rhys asks me, his voice vibrating into my neck.

"Why do you ask?" I whisper into his ear before kissing the shell.

"Because, my delicious beauty, you are glowing." he says.

I pull back and open my eyes, looking down at my body. I see my skin glowing just like in the cabin when I accepted our mating bond.

I rest my forehead against his, nudging our noses together.

"I bet someone is pretty pleased with themselves then." I say and Rhys smiles smugly.

"Knowing that I can make you feel this way? Oh yeah, I'm pleased."

I lightly hit Rhys on the shoulder with my free hand, giggling as I do so.

I can scarcely remember when I was last so happy...

"Your laugh is music to my ears." Rhys says and I cannot resist the smile that breaks through for him. "And your smile? It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

My smiles grows before I press my lips against his forehead. His head drops down to rest against my collarbone and I hold him around his shoulders again. His hands run over my lower back, my hips and my thighs which sparks my need for him back into an inferno.

"Tease." I say and feel him laugh against my chest, his breath fanning over my skin before he lifts his head to look at me.

"I think you are the tease here." he says and I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh, really? Perhaps we need to find out." I say. Immediately, I find myself on my back, Rhys hovering over me between my legs. He licks his lips seductively.

"I like your thinking."

...

It is mid-afternoon when we leave our room; our hunger for each other sated, for now. Our hands remain entwined as we walk into Cassian's room to see how he is doing.

To say that I am surprised to see Nesta sitting beside Cas as he reclines on the bed is a complete understatement. Their hands are linked and they are quietly laughing with each other.

 _It started happening a few days after you went to the Spring Court._ Rhys says mentally as I watch my sister. _Cas lashed out at everyone about his wings; apart from Nesta. She kept having outbursts of power and anger and when she wasn't aiming it at me or anyone else around here, it was at Cas for how he was behaving._

 _That does sound like Nesta._ I say.

 _Somehow they have balanced each other out. Nesta helps him through the healing process for his wings and she listens to him when he helps her out with her powers._

My eyebrows raise in surprise but I school my features. It does feel good to see Nesta so carefree - so unlike the person I had grown accustom to seeing daily.

Rhys clear his throat and both pairs of eyes snap to us. I elbow him in the ribs for typically making our entrance awkward before I pull him along with me as we walk over.

From what I can see of them, Cas' wings seem to be healing well. They must have found something to save them, thank the Cauldron.

"Hey." I say, giving the two a slight smile and receiving two in return. "How are you doing, Cas?"

Cas gives me a shrug and gives Nesta a look, one that I cannot really identify, before replying to me.

"I'm alright. My wings are healing well and I have been resting a lot - but that is thanks to this one ordering me around." he says, nudging Nesta with his shoulder which causes a blush to break out on her cheeks before she nudges him back.

"I was fed up of your complaining." Nesta says, nudging Cas again and giving a slight laugh at his mock pout. I raise my eyebrow.

"Seems like you two are good." I say, regaining their attention. "I'm glad you have settled in, Nesta. It is very surprising but it is great to know you are accepting my home."

"I'm still getting used to everything but like you saw yesterday, Rhysand has been helping me control whatever power I was given."

I look at Rhys, giving a smile and squeezing his hand which holds mine.

"How are you though?" Nesta asks me and I hold my breath for a second.

"I'm... not at my best but with my family and my love beside me, I am healing." I say, trying to push the past few weeks into the back of my mind. Rhys pushes his love to flood the bond, calming and comforting me.

"I meant what I said last night, Feyre." Nesta says, sitting up straighter. I notice Cas' grip tighten on her hand before she carefully withdraws it, placing all of her attention on me. "That bastard deserves to die a million times over."

"He does, yes. But we need him for now."

Nesta's eyes darken again and I narrow my eyes.

"He has hurt you, Feyre." Nesta says, her voice containing thinly veiled anger. "Look at you! You are so thin! I heard you this morning - I would easily guess that nightmares are terrifying you so much that you are throwing up!"

"Nesta..." Rhys says, a warning, and pulls me closer to him.

"When I last saw you, you were healthy and happy. Now, you are far too thin, clearly sick and haunted!" Nesta says. "He has ruined who you are!" I feel tears stinging my eyes but I push them back. Nesta tries standing but Cas grabs her arm, pulling her down firmly.

"I will heal, Nesta." I say quietly. "I did once thanks to Rhys, and I will again. It will take time but I will fight back; I will make Tamlin pay."

This seems to appease Nesta and she takes a deep breath, the darkness disappearing. I breathe a little easier and see Nesta settle comfortably beside Cas.

"How has Elain been?" I ask after a moment. All three of them go completely quiet and exchange glances. "What?"

"Elain hasn't settled in as we had hoped." Rhys says. "It is clear, especially to me, that the mating bond has been affecting her."

"She has been quieter than normal and closes herself off - even from me." Nesta says, her mood shifting again. I see Cas take her hand, comforting her and this time she doesn't pull away. "Sometimes it is like she isn't quite there and she looks as if she is longing for something."

"No," I say, shaking my head. "Mor told me that she has settled in. That Rhys has created a small garden for her to tend which is helping her adjust to our life easier."

I look at Rhys, and then at Nesta.

"You were stuck in Spring, Feyre." Nesta says. "I didn't want to put more worry on you so before she left, I told her to tell you that. Mor told me what you were like when she found you."

"I did create a garden for her, it is hidden away near her rooms so you would only notice it if you were looking for it, and she spends a lot of time out there, looking after it." Rhys says, rubbing his hand against my fabric clad arm. "But, like Nesta said, she is closed off."

I take in a breath. "How do you mean closed off? That isn't Elain."

Nesta looks at Cas before looking back at me.

"She doesn't talk to us if she can avoid it. She prefers to be alone." Nesta says, her voice quiet. I can tell it is hitting her hard; her and Elain have always been so close.

"She is after Lucien, Nesta." I explain, leaning in to Rhys. "The mating bond hasn't clicked fully in to place like mine has with Rhys, but she is feeling it there. She needs Lucien."

"How do you suggest we get him then?" Nesta asks. "I am fed up of seeing our sister the way she is."

I nod. "I agreed to meet Lucien on the border in a few days time. Tamlin has been taking his anger out on him and Lucien hasn't trusted him since the events in Hybern. He trusts me to get him to Elain."

"I'll go with you when you get him." Nesta says, her eyes showing her decision is final.

"Of course. Although, we should discuss the details on the day." I look to Rhys. "We need to work out how to get Alis out as well. I refuse to leave her down there."

"Of course, darling." Rhys whispers and kisses my temple. I look back to Nesta and see her nod. She smiles when Cas whispers something into her ear.

 _Perhaps we should leave them._ I say mentally. _We need to go and find Mor and hopefully we'll bump into Elain._

 _You're interrupting this time though._

 _Prick._

"We will see you at dinner." I say to the pair in front of me. "We have to go and organise a few things."

"Thank you for stopping by, Feyre. It is good to see my High Lady again." Cas says, giving me a smile.

"You sacrificed a lot, Cas. I wanted to make sure you were alright." I say, honestly.

"I do appreciate it either way."

I give Cas a small smile before bestowing the same on Nesta. She nods before putting her attention back on Cas. I feel Rhys squeeze my hand and I allow him to guide me out of the room.

...

"Now that I am High Lady, do you think that it should be announced to the court officially?" I ask as we walk downstairs to meet with Mor.

Rhys stops us as we descend the stairs. He steps down so we are slightly more level with each other. He places his left hand on my hip and takes my left hand in his right, playing with my fingers. My right hand goes to his hair, entwining into the soft strands.

"Are you alright with that?" he asks me and I blink in surprise.

"Whilst there are areas of our court I may not be comfortable in, Rhys, it is still our court." I say, my voice quiet. "They should know how the Night Court is changing; how we are growing stronger and prouder of who we are."

I feel concern trickle down the bond and I pull Rhys closer, looking into those gorgeous eyes.

"You have seen that side of me, who I must be, and you have seen what must be done down there. Are you sure, Feyre?"

I press my forehead against Rhys'.

"You do not have to do this alone anymore." I tell him, my hand moving from his hair to cup his cheek in my palm. "You and this court are a part of my life forever. That side of you is necessary and I do not love you any less for it; if anything, I love you more."

Rhys moves forward, pressing a kiss to my lips.

"You are truly a marvel, darling."

I laugh slightly and kiss him again.

"That I am." I say with a wink. "Now, we really need to speak to Mor - she may not enjoy the news."

Rhys nods before pulling back, looking as if he is scanning my face.

"What is it?" I ask, confused and I notice sadness in Rhys' gaze. But then it quickly disappears and he smiles.

"I love you." he says before suddenly lifting me up and running down the stairs with me thrown over his shoulder. I slap his back until he puts me down once he has reached the bottom and taken a few steps away from the stairs.

"You're still a prick." I comment once I am on my feet. I adjust the neckline of my dress, pulling it up before lacing my fingers with his. We continue walking.

"But you love me anyway." he teases. I roll my eyes.

 _That I do. Still a prick though._ Rhys laughs under his breath at my words.

We walk into one of the sitting rooms and see Mor talking with Azriel. I clear my throat to announce our presence and Mor jumps slightly which makes Az laugh.

"Sorry, Mor." I say, watching as she sits on one of the couches.

Mor shrugs, brushing it off. "That's alright."

"It may not be for long." Rhys says and I look at him, disbelief surely on my face.

 _Because that is totally the best way to start this conversation with her._ I say with a roll of my eyes.

"Why not? What's wrong?" Mor asks, swiftly rising to her feet and approaching me. Her hands go to my shoulders. "You aren't sick, are you? I swear, if that bastard has given you anything-"

I shake my head. "I'm alright, Mor. However the news we have may not be easy on you."

Mor's arms drop but she holds my free hand between hers.

"What is it, Feyre? You can tell me."

"We are going to the Court of Nightmares." I tell her.

Mor's eyes immediately widen and I can easily see the shock there. I look to Az but there is no emotion there; he will accompany us no matter what, I am sure of that.

"The Court needs to be aware of the fact that they have a High Lady now and that despite everything, we are still strong." Rhys explains. "They haven't heard much from me since our last visit."

Mor nods, seemingly getting over her initial shock. "When do we go?"

I look at Rhys and make a quick decision.

"Tonight." I say, looking back at Mor. "We go tonight."

Rhys squeezes my hand tight in support, along with sending it down the bond. I look at Mor. I can see the apprehension in her eyes but she nods, accepting that the decision has been made.

"The element of surprise is good." Az comments, moving closer. "We should only warn them when we are already there - keep them on their toes."

I look to Rhys who nods and claps Az on the shoulder.

"We leave after dinner."

...

"My heartbeat isn't that hard to find, surely?" I tease as Rhys rests his head on my chest, cushioning his cheek on my breast. I stand between his legs as he sits on the edge of our bed, on his side.

His hands continuously run from my hips, to my bottom, to my thighs; gently caressing me as we similarly seek some comfort from each other. My hands thread in his hair as I hold him against me.

"I haven't been able to do this even a fraction of how much I have wanted to." he says and I hold him slightly tighter.

I look down at my hands and it hits me just how bare my left looks; too bare. I miss the complicated and beautiful spirals of ink that once graced my skin.

"Rhys?" My voice is quiet and not much above a whisper.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Rhys doesn't move his head from my chest and I resist the urge to laugh.

"I want more tattoos - like yours." I say. My words make him raise his head and I push the hair that has fallen into his face out of the way.

"May I ask why?"

"I am where I truly belong, Rhys. I want to also look the part." I lift up my left hand, tapping Rhys on the nose with my pointer finger. "I miss the tattoo which used to sit here - my arm is too bare now."

"I suppose we should fix that problem then." Rhys says.

He moves his hands from their current place just below the curve of my bottom and grasps hold of my smaller ones. I release his hold on my right hand and trace the visible tendrils of black ink that peek around the collar of his shirt. I watch as Rhys raises my left hand, placing a kiss on my palm whilst his eyes rest on mine. The warmth of his lips leave on my sensitive skin grows and I feel it travelling past my wrist and up.

When I look, I see black ink fusing into my skin and spiralling steadily upwards. Rhys places a kiss on my right palm now and the black runs over the tattoo already there before continuing it. The warmth continues to spread, dancing on my shoulders before slowly joining then ceasing above my breasts.

Rhys reaches out with a finger and traces the new patterns on my chest. I realise that the pattern he is tracing is very similar to the path my fingers are used to tracing. I raise an eyebrow at him and he smirks.

"You said you wanted more tattoos like mine." he says and I hit his shoulder. His hands go back to my hips, drawing me closer. I lean down and press my lips to his, my tattooed hands framing his face.

"Thank you." I whisper when I draw back.

"I must admit that I crave you even more when you look like this." Rhys mumbles, placing a kiss on the edge of the tattoo on my chest.

His words flare up images of my previous outfit when I was Under the Mountain and then our visit to Court; the black paint swirled on my body.

"I am not wearing those ridiculous pieces of fabric this time." I say and Rhys looks slightly disappointed.

"Darling," Rhys starts, looking straight at me. "despite how delectable you look in that outfit, my Queen deserves something far more memorable than that."

I roll my eyes. Typical Rhys.

"You'd have me naked every moment if you could, Rhys."

My thumbs trace the sharp line of his jaw as his eyes shine up at mine. He tilts his head far back so he can rest his chin on my breasts and partially look at me.

"It is impossible to resist your body, my love. It's almost a shame that you have to put it away."

I reach around to the nape of his neck and lightly tug on the strands of hair there. I kiss him quickly after doing so, swallowing the laugh that escapes his beautiful lips. When I pull back Rhys rests his head back in its original position; his cheek resting over my heart. My hands go back to his hair and I press a kiss to the crown of his head.

"What is going to happen tonight?" I ask after a moment.

Rhys sighs. "I will announce you as High Lady, check up on the court and scare the life out of dear old Keir."

"I suspect there will be less distraction for him this time around." I say, remembering Rhys' firey touch on my skin.

"As my High Lady, you will have your own throne to sit on beside mine." he tells me and I can't help but feel slightly disappointed at that prospect.

Clearly he picks up on that because Rhys suddenly pulls back and smirks at me.

Prick.

His grip on my hips increases as he lays back on the sheets, dragging me down with him. He raises a hand and pushes back the hair that has fallen in my face, hooking it behind my ear.

"I love you, you know."

"Really? I never knew that." I say, sarcastically and give my mate a wink. Rhys laughs before pushing me further up his body and then rolls us over.

"Then, I will just have to make sure you do know it - and never forget it, darling."

...

We wait outside the throne room. Mor has gone inside, accompanied by Az who is standing just inside the door. I can sense the tension that has quickly arisen in the air from the second we suddenly arrived.

Rhys stands in front of me, gazing down at my body. The dress, dark as pitch, is one he left out on the bed for me after my bath and certainly makes a statement. The upper half is eerily similar to the two pieces of fabric I, and now Mor, once wore. It shows of enough of my chest without being inappropriate and proudly ensures my new tattoos are on display. The long skirt flares outwards slightly, hovering just above the floor and seemingly billions of small crystals attached to the lavish fabric catch the light with any movement made. The small glints easily remind me of the stars that hang so beautifully in the skies around us.

Rhys reaches up with a hand, adjusting the position of the shining gold crown perched on my head and sweeps an errant piece of hair back with the rest. My mate then picks up my left with his whilst his right goes into the pocket on his hip.

"You once risked your life to rescue this," Rhys says, pulling something out of the pocket. It is the ring that I stole from the Weaver. "it is only fitting that I present it to you and ask you, my darling, if you will wear it?"

I lean forward, pushing my lips against his for a short kiss.

"Of course I will, Rhys. It will be my honour."

Rhys slides the ring on my finger and it fits perfectly. I look down at it a moment longer before looking back up at Rhys. He presses a loving kiss to my forehead before dropping my left and picking up my right hand, holding it tight.

"I'm sorry." he says to me and I squeeze his hand.

"It's okay, Rhys. I love you no matter what."

Rhys smiles at me before looking at the doors before us. He clenches his jaw before releasing the damper on his powers. Immediately, the atmosphere changes. The darkness surrounding us has life and the power pulsates off of Rhys like a fast moving current of water.

Silently, I give my powers free reign. My darkness joins my mate's, soothing it very slightly before linking and supporting it; proving that not only is their High Lord deadly, so is their High Lady.

A final look to Rhys gives me the strength to don the mask I require; the mask of a fearless High Lady with the love and support of her High Lord beside her.

As we start to walk and Rhys grips my hand ever so slightly tighter, I know that I am truly ready to rule over our court proudly; side by side.

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	7. Chapter 7 - Welcome to Court

**A/N: Hello! Wow, sixth form is keeping me busy! It means that updates will be slow until I hav** **e settled in further and gotten to grips with my timetable. Stupidly, I injured my knee the other day whilst at college meaning I have to be at home and rest it up for now but it has given me plenty of time to type this up!**

 **Thank you so much for your support thus far - I am thrilled that you are enjoying the story! Your reviews are amazing - do keep them coming so I know that you are enjoying the story and I am doing things right!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

We walk into the room of polished ebony and I ensure to keep my gaze above everyone; aiming to intimidate. In my peripheral vision, I notice our subjects staring opening at me and Rhys whilst also shying away as we pass.

I watch as Mor gets down on one knee beside Az, who follows before they are accompanied by the rest of the court present. With their gazes aimed to the floor, I allow myself a moment to observe the crowd gathered around the various columns. There are, once again, tables against the walls but only partially filled thanks to our surprise arrival.

Rhys and I stop at the dais and I remove my hand from his. I then place this hand on Mor's shoulder, signalling her to stand from her knee. She does, Az doing the same and stepping to scan the crowd before us with his Siphons blazing, and meets my gaze. She is dressed in the same attire from the last visit but this time there are more slits hanging from the fabric at her hips; certainly challenging anyone who may come near.

With a hand on my lower back, Rhys guides me up the few small steps to our thrones. I sit in mine, to the right of my mate's, and Rhys waits for me to do so before taking a seat himself; an open show of respect.

The room is filled with the silent humming of our combined darkness as the crowd remains kneeling, waiting to be told otherwise. Rhys lounges back in his throne, portraying the calm, yet deadly façade everyone is used to seeing. I long to reach out, to touch him, to hold him but that would ruin what we have planned.

 _If it is any consolation, I am itching to feel your perfect body, my darling. You look delicious in that dress._

I withhold my snort at his words.

 _Prick._

 _You love it really, darling. You cannot deny that._

 _I love you._

"Rise." Rhys says after a beat and as one, everyone stands. Slowly, Rhys stands himself and turns slightly to his left, to me, and holds his hand out. I delicately take hold of his strong hand and rise to my feet before moving so I am standing beside him; his equal.

"Today is a big celebration for our court," Rhys says, his voice loud and clear. "For too long, our court has hidden away and ceased to be who we truly are and who we can be. Amarantha terrorised the whole of Prythian but mercifully, she was removed and the courts were once again free. Our reputation as the Night Court has never been perfect but from today, from this moment, that changes. For now, until threats against us have been vanquished, this joyous news will remain within the court."

I look to Rhys, gratitude travelling down the bond as he ensures our safety. He gives a slight squeeze to my hand before he stands partially taller.

"I present to you Feyre Cursebreaker, Saviour of Prythian, my mate and High Lady of the Night Court."

Gasps ring out before applause drowns out any other sounds. I survey the crowd and my gaze halts for a second on the servants frantically trying to fill the tables with meats, breads, cheeses, fruits and cakes along with various wines and ales. They already look so tired from their hurry to appease their High Lord. I feel a small pang of guilt, mentally remembering to ensure they are paid handsomely at the end of the night, but push it away for now; the façade must remain.

I place my free hand on Rhys' forearm as we stand for a moment longer, the applause beginning to fade. Rhys waves his hand with a, "Go play." and the crowd quickly disperses, music flaring up in the background accompanied by chatter.

I sit back in my throne and once again, Rhys waits until I am comfortable before sitting himself.

By the Cauldron, I love him so much. I send that thought across the bond and receive a quick, _of course you do_ from him before he speaks - typical lovable bastard.

"Keir. Come here." Rhys says, his voice commanding. I watch as Keir walks forward from the centre of the room, his golden hair holding a silver circlet and his body draped in black. One arm looks relatively normal but the other, presumably the one broken into multiple pieces, hangs slightly awkwardly at his side; almost like it still hasn't healed.

He stops in front of us, bowing deeply to Rhys before straightening and nodding his head to me.

"My lord." Keir greets.

"You owe my High Lady the same courtesy you have shown me; perhaps even more so." Rhys says, his tone cold. "Greet her correctly."

Keir looks at me, hesitates a second before bowing low to me.

"My lady." he mumbles.

"Better." I say and I can see that Keir is struggling to withhold a retort.

"Well, what do you have to report?" Rhys drawls, his tone bored now as he leans back in his throne.

Keir begins to list off various things about our court. As he mentions some renovations after an accident burning multiple houses in a small area, I feel Rhys patience wither. My focus shifts to him so I pay absolutely no attention to Keir's words. Our plan had originally been to show ourselves as nothing but threatening; dominant, powerful.

I cannot uphold that - not after spending so long away from my mate. Not now - especially since we have only just reunited.

I stand up and move to Rhys' throne, sitting on the arm. My right arm goes around his shoulders after he moves forwards slightly and the same hand goes into the hair on the back of his head. His left hand moves to my legs, spinning me so my legs drape over his whilst I remain seated on the armrest. That hand then moves to my thighs, his long and talented fingers dancing, causing my need to ignite strongly once again.

 _We don't need a distraction this time, darling. But I must say, I am rather enjoying this angle._

I give a tug on his hair and his head moves to press a kiss against my jaw. I vaguely recognise Keir talking about costs for various things but Rhys' lips against my skin are distracting me greatly. Occasionally, Rhys nods and hums his agreement against me.

 _How are you still following this conversation?_ I ask, my skin tingling as his fingers continue their slow torture. I move my hand slightly in his hair, careful not to dishevel it too much in front of the court; there is plenty of time for that later.

 _I have had to learn to focus on multiple things at the same time when you are around, my love. Just knowing you are near is a distraction to me._

His fingers move higher on my thigh and my thirst grows into an inferno. I have to focus on keeping control of my powers, the flames inside clashing with everything else.

 _Easy, darling. We cannot have this lovely dress going just yet._

 _Prick._

Rhys raises his hand, cutting Keir off.

"Your High Lady is parched. Get her wine." Rhys orders.

Keir sends a dirty look my way before bowing and walking off to find my wine. Rhys pulls on my legs so I land in his lap. I turn so my back rests against his muscular chest. His left hand goes to my other thigh whilst the knuckles of his right hand brush against the underside of my breast.

 _Have you noticed that Keir keeps glaring at me? It is very petty but you must realise it is only a matter of time before he says something that angers us._ I run my hand over his strong thigh before continuing. _If he does, let me deal with him._

 _Are you sure? If he says anything, it won't be said lightly._

I turn my head to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth, reassuring him.

 _Positive._

I turn in his arms to press a kiss against his jaw before moving up to his ear, strands of his hair tickling my nose.

"I love you." I whisper and feel his grip tighten on me. I kiss the shell of his ear before repeating myself a few times.

I place a hand to his cheek before reaching up and adjusting his crown of stars. His hand grabs my wrist, pulling it down so it rests in his lap. His eyes are hard as he looks at me.

 _As much as I would love to darling, it may send the wrong impression._ Rhys tells me, his tone of voice apologetic in my mind.

 _I understand, Rhys. Can't have you looking soft in front of everyone._

 _Only for you, darling._

His hand drops my wrist and he traces a finger over the tattoo on my chest, pressing slightly when he runs it over my heart. He aims to go lower but a throat clears behind us. We both turn slowly to see Keir holding his hand out, a goblet of wine in his grip. I stand up, Rhys' hands trailing over my hips as I do so, and walk right up to Keir. I take the wine and look at it for a moment before looking up at him again.

"Should I have it checked?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"What for, my lady?"

"Why, poison of course." I say, walking back to Rhys, putting the wine down beside my throne using my magic.

"I would do no such thing to you." Keir says, placing his hands behind his back.

Of course you fucking would.

I say nothing, perching down on Rhys' knees as he sits up a bit behind me. His knuckle continues to brush the underside of my breast and I squeeze my thighs together for a moment.

"It is good to see that the ownership has been transferred completely, my lord." Keir comments, his eyes trained on me.

"Ownership of what?" Rhys asks, his voice hardening.

"Tamlin's pet has now become yours. You must be thrilled." Keir says, a smirk present.

Bastard.

Total fucking bastard.

"She is no pet." Rhys says, his fingers digging into my hips. The darkness around us is beginning to move more.

 _Easy, Rhys. Let me handle this._ I soothe.

"Perhaps wench? Doll? Whore?"

Immediately I stand from Rhys' lap, deadly calm on my face. I can feel that Rhys remains tense, his power shifting in the room. People's gazes are quickly shifting to us.

Fire grows inside of me, turning my insecurities into power. Gasps quickly ring out and all noise ceases as proud Illyrian wings stand behind me.

Slowly, threateningly, I step from the dais and towards the repulsive Fae before me who is slowly backing away; realising his big mistake.

You do not mess with your High Lady and get away with it.

I lazily wave my hand, freezing Keir in place. His eyes are wide as I stop a pace from him. At his words, my anger has risen so much if I do not do something, I will burn and burn and burn...

"Tell me Keir, do I look like a wench?" I ask, releasing a talon and tracing it over his neck, down his chest before resting it above his heart. "Do I look like a pretty little doll?" I dig the talon in, watching a drop of blood escape. "Do I look like a whore?" I dig the talon in further.

This is what being High Lady of the Night Court is. We are ruthless; we are power.

"Let me tell you something, Keir." I say, my voice dropping low. "I am no pet, or wench or _whore_ ; I am superior. I am the mate of your High Lord. I am your High Lady and I will be respected by the likes of you."

I set the talon on fire and leave it for a second before releasing my hold over Keir. He jumps back, cradling his chest as he yells out in pain. I draw the talon back in after extinguishing it. He looks up at me before moving backwards; an attempt to leave.

Oh no. That is not acceptable.

I winnow behind him as he turns so when he intends to face the exit, he is once again facing me. I advance towards Keir and he stumbles backwards until he hits Azriel's chest, who has stepped forward, stopping his movements.

"I am not done with you yet." I say, pushing a smirk through; the mask of the High Lady who takes no shit from anyone. I nod to Az who steps back with a slight bow so he is once again standing beside Mor.

"Please..." Keir says and I raise my eyebrow. "My lady..."

In the next second, Keir is grabbing the sides of his head, screaming out loud. I mentally squeeze harder, making Keir fall to his knees. I see blood beginning to flood out and release my hold; unfortunately, I cannot kill him - if we could, Rhys would have done it centuries ago.

As I turn and walk back to my throne, fading my wings until they disappear, I relish the extra cries from Keir as I play with him a little more; mentally squeezing slightly, taunting him with momentary relief of pain. I almost sit back in my own throne but instead choose to perch on a once again lounging Rhys' lap. His hands rest on my hips, his fingers stroking slightly, ready to pull me into him when the time is right.

"Stand up, Keir." I order, my voice cold; almost unrecognisable to me. He hesitates, remaining on the floor for a moment, but finally does, raising his head and looking at me. Tears are streaming from his eyes and blood drips steadily from his nose and ears. I see the focus in his eyes waver, his knees wobbling. He looks down at the floor, his head dropping quickly to his chest.

"Look at me." Keir looks up again but does not make eye contact this time; good. " _Never_ underestimate me again. I have been exceedingly more merciful that you deserve to be treated. You should be eternally grateful that your High Lord, my mate, did not deal with you - especially after our last visit."

Keir nods before falling to his knees, grunting in pain.

"I believe my mate, your High Lady, told you to stand." Rhys says. Keir remains on the floor.

"Your punishment can continue if you wish." I say, standing once again. "I am having plenty of fun making you suffer." Az takes a small step forward; a challenge.

Keir shakes his head, mumbling something incoherent.

"I'm sorry," I say, my tone false sympathetic. "I didn't quite hear that." I take a few steps forward, down the dais.

"No more... please." I hear him say and I turn back to stand beside Rhys.

If he didn't want this, he should have kept his mouth shut.

"Stand." Rhys commands, his voice terribly calm.

Keir finally pushes himself to his feet, grunting and almost falling over again.

"You will be fine, eventually. You are not to see any healers and the bleeding is not to be stemmed." Rhys says, recognising the use of my powers - he has them too, after all.

"Get him out of my sight." I say, waving my hand. Two guards come forward and drag Keir away out of the room.

The music restarts and the crowd begins to move again. I step down and walk to Mor, standing on her left, in front of the dais, as Az stands on her right. I allow my eyes to scan the crowd and notice, like they do with Rhys, they do not make eye contact or come to close - except the brave few. Both men and women sheepishly come up to me to welcome me.

Another young looking Fae moves to stand in front of me and curtsies deeply before me as soon as an older Fae disappears.

"It is an honour to call you my High Lady." she says, her head still down.

"You may look at me." I say, my voice softer than it was with Keir but still harsh. The Fae looks up and her brown eyes are big with surprise. "Thank you for your kind words. Being High Lady of the Night Court is an honour in itself."

"It is a pleasure, my lady. I do hope you enjoy the Night Court - it is better than any other Court in Prythian in my opinion." she says, her hands twisting in front of her.

"It is indeed." I say, my short reply intending to dismiss her. She notices, thankfully, and curtsies once again.

"Thank you for your time, High Lady." she says, curtsying again before retreating back into the crowd.

"Are you alright?" Mor asks me once it is clear that no one else is approaching, her voice quiet. I feel her gaze land on me but I ensure to keep my gaze outwards on the crowd.

"I will be when I am back at home." I reply, honestly.

"I apologise for what he said."

"It's alright." I say, brushing it off. I don't want to think of Keir's words; the mask allows them to roll off me like water off a duck's back.

"No, it isn't." Mor says. "The things he said to you... he deserved far more than what you did."

"It is _fine_." I insist, feeling my mask slip slightly. I inwardly scold myself and force the mask on fully.

"What he said-" Mor tries again but I interrupt her.

"I don't want to talk about this any more." I say, pushing back my shoulders, straightening my spine.

"Feyre, please-"

"This discussion is over, Morrigan," I say, looking at Mor now and slipping further into my High Lady demeanour. "You will do well to remember your place in my presence."

I calmly walk back up and sit in my own throne, linking my hands and resting them in my lap.

 _Are you alright, darling?_ Rhys asks me and I supress a sigh.

 _I just want this to be over._ I reply. Even through the bond my voice is breaking and I feel Rhys' concern.

 _Even if I cannot do it precisely as I wish and crave to, can you come here so I can hold you?_

I slowly stand from my throne and move so I sit back in Rhys' lap. He pulls me into him so my back is pressed against his chest. His left hand caresses my hip and the right squeezes my thigh. He sits up a bit, moving me forward so his right hand now cups my cheek, turning my head to his. Rhys places a tender kiss on my lips before resting the bridge of his nose against my temple.

 _Words will never describe just how much I adore you, Feyre._ Rhys tells me and my entire being swells with my love for him. I sit up a little bit more and he rests his head on my shoulder, turning inwards to place kisses on my neck. _Mor will forgive you, darling. She knows what must be done down here._

 _I know. I just ... I cannot get his words out of my head. They just remind me of what I went through with_ him. _I don't..._

Rhys continues to press kisses against my neck, pushing his love for me into each one.

 _I know, sweetheart. But, his words have no significance. They mean nothing. You are perfect._

 _As are you._ I say and my eyes land on the dancing crowd before us.

 _I will dance with you for as long as you wish when we get home, darling._

I watch our subjects twirling around and wish I could be so carefree. My hand clasps over Rhys' which rests high on my thigh.

 _Promise?_

Another kiss to my neck.

 _Promise._

...

Just standing in our bedroom, our sanctuary, after returning from the Court of Nightmares is a massive relief. The moment we left Court, my mask dropped and I instantly felt drained.

Rhys winnowed us home and one look at Mor made guilt hit me full force. She didn't so much as look at me before she walked off and Rhys began to lead me up the multiple stairs.

Now, we stand by the large open windows, moonlight washing over us and a slight breeze tingling my skin. Rhys' arms are around my too small waist whilst mine are surrounding his middle, my chin resting on his shoulder.

"I am sorry for how I was at Court; it was not fair to you." Rhys says for the fifth time in about ten minutes, making me growl in frustration. Rhys breathes out a laugh, his warm breath fanning over my head, clearly surprised at my reaction.

"I am the one who should be sorry, Rhys." I mumble into his shoulder. My hands fist the fabric of his shirt. "The way I acted back there... that isn't me."

"Nor is it me." Rhys assures. "We cannot be ourselves down there; we must become that." Rhys pulls back enough so I am looking into his eyes now.

"I'm so glad I don't have to do it very often; it is so draining to be that person." I whisper and Rhys presses a kiss to my nose, then my forehead.

"I know. I am so proud of you, Feyre." he whispers back to me. "Never forget that."

Our foreheads rest against each other as my arms tighten their hold on Rhys' solid, warm body. Suddenly, my head fills with slow, soft music and our bodies begin to sway; the dance I was promised. Rhys' head shifts to my shoulder and he begins to press warm kisses to my skin. After a few moments, my right hand raises to the nape of his neck, my fingers threading into his hair.

I feel Rhys mumble words against my shoulder in between kisses that spread delicious warmth through me. I moan lightly before pulling the hair my fingers are sliding through to drag his head up to mine.

Our lips meet in a languid and beautiful kiss. Our bodies continue to sway to the gentle rhythm but the music in my head is slowly being drowned out as my need, my yearn, for Rhys grows swiftly.

In that moment, Rhys' hands slide the fabric on my shoulders down and pulls away to watch as my breasts are bared to him, followed by my stomach. Those violet orbs remain locked to mine as he reaches around and unclips the few small clasps holding the skirt up on my hips. The instant the final one is unhooked, my dress pools to the floor and the chilled air hits my skin. Rhys' hungry eyes travel over me before he reaches up, removing the crown from my head. Within a blink, it disappears; probably sent to wherever his went to.

He picks me up, cradling me to his chest for a moment before walking to the bed and placing me down upon the silky covers. I shuffle back slightly so my head rests on my pillow and Rhys prowls up to me, suddenly void of any clothing; not that I am complaining.

I am not complaining in the slightest.

I open my legs so he can get closer to me. My thighs end up resting at his hips and he hovers above me.

"I wanted to rip that dress off the moment I saw you in it." Rhys mumbles, leaning down to place a kiss on the time of my nose which makes me smile. He presses a kiss to my smiling lips, a smile on his face too, before he leans down and presses kisses against my neck and collarbone.

"I'm surprised you lasted this long." I tease, my voice breathless. Rhys raises his head and I lift my hand, running the tips of my left fingers against his jaw. Rhys groans. He turns to face quickly to kiss my fingers before looking back at me. His left hand supports his weight as it rests beside my head. His right hand is running up my thigh as it remains hitched around his hip.

"You made it so much harder for me when I watched you with those wings of yours." I smile again, watching as Rhys' eyes darken further. "They suit you."

"You have said that before." I point out as Rhys drops his head to place kisses on my collarbone again. He bites lightly before soothing it with his tongue.

"This time was different." he says against my skin. "It was extremely hard for me not to take hold of you and winnow us back here immediately."

"You really like me with wings, huh?" I ask, knowing my answer already.

Rhys raises his head to wink at me before he leans down to kiss a path from my chin to my ear.

"Darling, I want to fuck you senseless - even more so when you have those wings."

I raise an eyebrow, sliding one hand into his hair and resting the other on his shoulder. The hand in his hair pulls his head up to me so I can press a kiss to his lips.

"Would you care to demonstrate?" I ask, my eyes glinting.

The fire in my stomach grows as I see Rhys' eyes darken even further with his need.

"With pleasure."

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	8. Chapter 8 - Rescue

**A/N: Sorry that this update is so late! College has been determined to take over my life and I have been doing more shifts at work to cover others. But finally, here it is!**

 **Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews - it warms my heart to know that you are enjoying the story!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

The arms hold me down, their grip unwavering.

"Feyre."

No!

Let me go!

I thrash, trying to escape the unseen force but it is no use. My eyes seem to be glued shut, not responding as I try to open them; trying to determine who is doing this to me.

"Feyre!"

The grip tightens, the pain increases.

I have to wake up.

I have to-

I shoot up in bed and am immediately met with striking violet orbs; Rhys. His large hands are gripping my arms tightly - exactly where the force had been holding me down, unrelenting. I look down to my hands and see that the sheets have been singed and the black fragments are falling from my fists.

"You're alright, darling." Rhys mumbles, drawing my gaze up.

The familiar rising sensation fills my chest and I quickly push Rhys off of me before running for the toilet. My hands cradle the porcelain as any trace of food removes itself from my stomach. I vaguely feel Rhys' presence behind me but don't acknowledge him until the retching ceases.

A blanket is wrapped tightly around my naked body by Rhys before his arms follow.

"I think that is it for today." I mumble, burrowing backwards into Rhys. He places his face into my neck, his warm breath fanning over me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks me and I shrug.

"I don't remember what happened in this dream." I say honestly. I place my hands on his arms and stroke the skin there. "I just remember being held down and the waking up."

Rhys presses a kiss into my skin.

"I woke up to the covers burning and I saw that you were still dreaming so I tried waking you up. I'm sorry that I caused you so much distress, my darling."

I turn my head to look into his eyes, seeing the guilt there.

"No, Rhys. It is not your fault." I say, pressing a kiss to his chin. "These nightmares came back because of _him._ Soon, thanks to you and just as they did before, they will fade and our mornings will be far more pleasant than they are now."

Rhys smiles before holding me tighter.

"I have a few ideas on how I can make this morning more pleasant." Rhys says, a low rumble in my ear.

I turn in his arms, a small smirk on my lips.

"Perhaps we could start with something that doesn't require too much energy."

Rhys raises an eyebrow.

"And what would that be?"

"A bath."

...

"Not quite the water wolves you once conjured." Rhys comments as he runs a cloth over my back. "But they are quite magnificent."

I watch as my small birds fly around the bathing room, a calming edition to this early morning. Suddenly, Rhys' lips press against my spine, the washcloth within his hand moving to my front.

"What are you up to?" I ask, grabbing Rhys' hand before it reaches my breast.

"Enjoying this time with the most beautiful being possible." Rhys says before kissing his way to my shoulder and resting his chin against me. Almost automatically, I blush; still not quite used to Rhys' words.

"As much as it would be delightful and delicious to feel your body, _again_ , we have to discuss something very important." I say, turning around and placing my hands on his shoulders, kneeling between his legs.

"And what is so important that it stops me from ravishing you?" Rhys asks playfully.

I look down into the steamy water before looking back up.

"Alis."

Rhys immediately sobers, his hands moving to hold my waist.

"We need to be smart about it, Feyre." he tells me.

"I know that. I can send a message to Lucien to ensure he is ready to come here." I say, moving a hand up to his cheek. "I can be quick inside the manor and Tamlin won't even know I am there."

"You are not going in there, Feyre." Rhys says. "I cannot have you deal with that monster again."

I lean forward so my forehead rests against his, our noses bumping against each other.

"He knows who I am and has only seen a small fraction of what I am capable of." I say, fixing my eyes to his and moving my body even closer. "If he so much as looks at me in the wrong way, he will be in pain for at least the next few decades."

Rhys pulls his head back slightly before dropping in onto my chest. I press a kiss to his hair, my hand playing with the shell of his ear.

"I still worry about you going, sweetheart." Rhys says into my skin. I tug on his hair and his head rises back up to look at mine. "What happened to you there..."

Rhys' voice trails off as his fingers run over my protruding rib bones and my collarbone.

"It will never happen again, Rhys." I say, my voice incredibly tender. "He cannot hurt me."

"But-"

"Rhys," I grab his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "I love you with everything I am but I will not hesitate in tying you up and going alone, if I must."

A grin forms on Rhys' words, something else replacing the fear and concern in his eyes.

"Tying me up, hey?" he drawls, pulling me closer so our chests are pressed together. "That does sound exciting."

I laugh slightly.

"You're impossible." I mutter, my gaze dropping to his luscious lips.

"Yet you love me anyway."

"Indeed I do."

I press a kiss to his lips. He tries to cling to me but I pull back, laughing again at his groan of disappointment.

"You do realise that I shall not change my mind, right?" I ask, my lips millimetres from his.

"I love it when you are so bloody stubborn." Rhys confesses, his lips fusing to mine.

Apparently, the time for talking has passed for now - not that I'm complaining...

...

We go to visit Cas later that morning, summoning my sisters, Mor and Az to join us.

Nesta sits beside Cas on the bed, I am sitting in the chair beside the bed with Rhys standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders. Az is standing at the foot of the bed with Mor, both listening to Rhys' plan and occasionally contributing.

My eyes, however, keep drifting to Elain who is standing beside the fireplace - on the other side of the room. Her eyes are distant, her hair down so it covers her ears - who she is now - and her arms are tightly crossed over her chest.

I realise that Rhys has finished talking so I speak up.

"Elain?" Her eyes snap to mine. "We're not just returning with Alis." Her brows furrow. "We are getting Lucien too."

She stands up straighter, her eyes looking brighter all of a sudden.

"Thank you." she whispers and I smile at her.

I turn back to face the others and catch Nesta's grateful look.

"We should be in and out. Mor and Az, you should stay at the border where Lucien will meet you; Rhys and I will get Alis out and meet you there before returning." I say and Rhys squeezes my shoulders in support. "We need to have a healer ready for Alis; Tamlin treated her badly."

"I will sort that out for you, Feyre." Nesta says. "I can get Cassian's healer to take a look at her."

I nod. "Thank you."

"Right, that is all settled now." Rhys says and holds out his hand to me to pull me up, which I take. "I'm going to see about having some lunch organised; Amren is coming over for a while."

I watch as Rhys walks away, accompanied by Az. I try to get Mor's attention but she won't so much as look at me.

I follow her out of the room, grateful that I am wearing a jumper and leggings over a dress today, so I am able to keep up with her.

"Mor, hey!" I call out but she doesn't stop. I leap forward and grab her arm, spinning her so she has to face me. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

Mor lowers her gaze, tensing. I remove my hand from her arm.

"Mor?" She takes a step back, her gaze still lowered. "What is it?" I ask, trying to determine just exactly what is bothering her.

"I am just remembering my place in your presence." Mor spits out and my heart drops.

Rhys said that she would forgive me, that she understood.

"What has gotten into you?" I ask her and Mor shrugs slightly.

"Following my High Lady's orders. I don't wish to face her wrath."

"Mor, stop this." I beg, moving closer to her. "I have apologised and you know that wasn't me down there."

"Wasn't it?"

Her sharp words snap something in me and I grab her arm, winnowing us elsewhere. We end up in my gallery a second later and Mor steps out of reach.

"How dare you." I exclaim, anger boiling within me. "You know that we have to be different people down there, Mor."

"I may not have seen Feyre when Keir was being treated like a toy but I certainly did when I was put in my place." Mor says.

My hands clench and unclench at my sides and my breathing is getting heavier, harder to control.

"Despite everything I have done for you, to help you, you pushed me away. You treated me like I was nothing."

"You know that I couldn't open up there!" I yell out. "I had to say something before I opened up too much and people saw me as someone other than their High Lady; someone who isn't strong."

"And what would be so bad about that?!" Mor screams out at me, stepping closer; too close - just like Tamlin did. "Tell me!"

I throw my arms up over my head before falling backwards on the floor. I can feel the fire burning in my palms and I vaguely hear Mor shouting but a pounding in my ears suddenly consumes me.

I feel myself curl in, pressing my forehead to the floor as my eyes screw shut. Images of every horror I have experienced - whether it was Under the Mountain, in Spring or in my dreams - appears and a scream becomes lodged in my throat.

I don't know how long I am like that until I feel a soothing darkness surround me, fighting off my own and chasing away the images until nothing remains. I keep my eyes shut as my hearing returns. I recognise the calm tones of Rhys, coaxing me out slowly. I can feel my body steadily unwinding.

"That's it, darling."

The darkness begins to recede and is replaced by something warm being thrown over me.

"Don't touch her just yet, Rhys." another voice, Amren's voice, says. "It may set her off again."

I open my eyes and it takes a moment to focus. Rhys is on his knees beside my head, Amren crouching next to him. I can see Mor standing behind them, tears on her face.

"Feyre?" Amren questions, her hand moving to adjust the blanket around me; that explains the warmth. "I'm going to help you sit up now, alright?"

I manage a nod and she moves forward. Her hand falls gently on my shoulder before she assists me into a sitting position, the blanket pooling in my lap.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice sounding surprisingly stained. "When did you get here?"

"Rhys begged me to come sooner. He couldn't calm you so twenty minutes later, here we are." Amren says and I look at Rhys.

He places his hand tenderly on my back before moving it in small circles.

"We think this may have happened due to a mixture of things." Rhys says.

"Like what?"

"Look at you, Feyre." Amren says, as usual saying things as they are. "Going back to the Spring Court has resulted in you looking like a bloody ghost! It is amazing you didn't break until now."

I look down to my lap.

"Amren." Rhys scolds, appalled by her harsh words.

I shake my head. "She's right, Rhys." I say before moving to stand. I wobble for a moment but find my footing. "Amren is right."

I push back a piece of hair from my eyes before winnowing to the roof of the house; where I can look over her beauty of Velaris.

Where, for now, I can be alone.

...

It is a few hours later when I feel Rhys trying to communicate with me since my shields are up completely. I winnow myself into our room and a second later, Rhys has his arms around me.

"Are you alright, darling?" he asks me and I draw back. I say nothing, instead walking over to the wardrobe and pulling out my fighting leathers.

"Talk to me, Feyre." Rhys begs me, but I don't want to _talk_.

I just want to rescue my friend.

I pull off my large jumper and leggings before replacing the soft articles of clothing with the stiff leathers.

"Feyre."

I turn to look at Rhys before moving to the vanity in the room, sitting in front of the mirror. I pick up the hair brush and begin to run it through the strands, ensuring there are no knots.

Rhys remains where I left him, sitting on the foot of the bed. His eyes follow every movement I make.

I do feel bad for not opening up but I cannot allow a repeat of earlier to happen. Not when my head needs to be clear for rescuing.

My hands sweep my hair over my left shoulder before deftly splitting it into three sections. As the sections are being twisted, I feel a slight pressing sensation against my shields.

Surely he wouldn't...

I strengthen my shields slightly, keeping my face expressionless. I tie off my braid and feel the pressing sensation again, but stronger.

"I suggest you cease your attempts at prying, Rhysand." I say, standing up and turning to face him.

Rhys does have the decency to look guilty but my anger just begins to build again.

"Just... just talk to me, Feyre." Rhys says, moving towards me.

"I don't want to talk." I say, crossing my arms over my chest. "You should respect that."

"Feyre, I love and respect you with everything I am." Rhys says on a sigh, stopping in front of me.

"I know you do." I whisper, allowing him to draw me in for a hug. "I love you too."

We stand in silence for a moment before that sensation returns. I forcefully shove away, pointing an accusing finger at my mate.

"I am not some innocent mortal that you can have some fun with." I say, my voice cold. "I am your mate, for fuck sake - treat me as such!"

I don't give Rhys a chance to respond; instead, leaving the room and getting ready for the rescue mission.

...

"Keep your eyes peeled." I tell Az as we move through the dungeons.

Mor and Rhys are at the border, after I requested Azriel's presence instead, waiting for Lucien to arrive and for us to return.

Fires are flickering on the walls but the dungeons remain rather dark. I peer through the bars of each cell but they all appear to be empty; apart from the very last one.

I scramble forwards and open the door, tugging harshly on the bars until they give.

I spare a quick glance at Az before rushing in and kneeling beside Alis. I ghost my hands over her body before turning her onto her back. Her bark skin is covered in ugly bruises and dried streaks of blood.

She's out cold and I hold up her wrist, desperate to find a pulse. I cry out in relief when I find the weak drumming against my fingertips and I turn to Az.

"Pick her up, carefully." I tell him, standing up and moving slightly from her body. "We cannot winnow in the dungeons."

Az nods before moving to Alis. He lifts her into his arms with the upmost tenderness before following me out of the cell. We hurry down the end of the corridor and as I round the corner at the end, I stop abruptly.

"Nice to see you again, Feyre." Tamlin drawls harshly as he stands in the middle of the corridor; blocking the way.

"The same can certainly not be said for you." I say, my voice cold. I square my shoulders before stepping closer. "You would be wise to move out of our way."

Tamlin raises an eyebrow but does not move.

"Did you forget what I said? A simple thought is all it takes for the Spring Court to be blown apart and I will not hesitate to do so. Move."

Tamlin sways for a second before moving aside. I look behind to Azriel and them walk forward. As I pass him, Tamlin takes hold of my arm, halting me.

I quickly pull my arm away and stare at him with my eyes blazing.

"You touch me again and you lose the hand before losing everything that you hold dear." The darkness around us fixes on Tamlin and surrounds him, closing in. "Do you understand?"

Tamlin nods, shrinking back. I look at Az again before taking hold of his arm and winnowing away.

...

"So, where are you taking me?" Lucien asks after we arrive back at the border.

"Home." I say simply, wanting more than anything to return there. I grab his arm and after a glance at Rhys and Mor, I just think of the place where I belong.

The sight of the house is far more than welcome after being back _there._ I can still feel his touch on me and the second I am able to, I cannot wait to get out of these leathers and away from him.

I don't look at anyone before walking up the stairs. I notice halfway up that Az is following me, Alis still in his arms. I walk into the room beside Cas' and he moves so he gently places her upon the covers. I move to the opposite side of the bed, my eyes marking every cut, bruise and speck of blood on her face. There is no telling what other damage there is.

Footsteps sound and I turn around to see Nesta glide in, an older Fae in tow.

"Nesta." I greet with a slight smile. She stands beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder. The new Fae nods her head to me before curtseying. I gesture her towards Alis, showing her where her attention is needed and she immediately complies.

"This is Niamphara." Nesta says quietly as we watch the healer working. "She has done wonders for Cas' wings when everyone else wanted to amputate them. She should certainly succeed in healing your friend."

I smile weakly at her before walking into the bathing room. I summon a fresh nightgown, a deep purple, and my long white dressing gown and divulge myself of my Illyrian leathers. With a wave of my hand, the leather and my boots disappear, sent to my bedroom and I walk back into the room in my socked feet.

Niamphara looks up at me.

"She is quite ill, High Lady." she tells me and my stomach sinks.

"Can you help her?" I ask and she sets her lips in a straight line.

"I do hope so."

A thought suddenly comes to mind and I extract a talon. I pull up the sleeve of my dressing gown and draw it across my wrist harshly before hurrying forward, Niamphara jumping out of the way, and press the bleeding wound to Alis' chapped lips.

"My blood helped Rhys when he was poisoned." I explain. "It should quickly help her too."

After a few moments, I draw back and Niamphara steps forward to examine Alis again.

"Some wounds are already beginning to heal but only time will tell if it helps it completely."

I nod. And so the wait begins.

...

After another hour of watching Niamphara's work, I left her with Alis and went to my gallery.

A spiral of emotions run through me as I stand before my canvas. The white it once was has long vanished; replaced with dark colours, dark thoughts. Blacks and greys swirl together with only a splash of something bright; only a few beams of light illuminating the figure there - hunched over, hands cradling her head as she screams; isolation and pressure crushing her.

Crushing me.

I put my brush back in the paint before adding more detail to the figure - matted hair, silent tears, the stark black of the tattoos contrasting with her abnormally pale skin.

Pushing out my emotions onto the canvas, visualising it in more than just my mind's eye is ... soothing, I suppose. But that soothing feeling isn't just coming from the art... It comes from him too.

"You can stop loitering back there, Rhys." I say, my attention still fixed on the canvas.

I hear his low chuckle and his approaching footsteps before his arms come around me from behind. His chin rests on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry for earlier." Rhys says and the guilt of my previous actions hit me.

"No, I'm sorry." I whisper, my paint brush pausing mid air. "I should have said something to you; I should have opened up."

Rhys shakes his head before pressing a kiss to my neck, breathing me in.

"I was wrong to push. I was so worried when Mor was screaming and I saw you like that - unable to immediately help you."

Rhys takes a hold of my hips, spinning me so I look directly at him. He rests his forehead against mine and I reach up with my free hand to cradle his cheek.

"I hate knowing that you feel so pressured." he whispers and I pull back to see tears polling in his eyes. "I wish I could take it all away."

I sigh, my thumb running over his jaw.

"You don't need to take it all away." I say, my voice soft. "Just you being here, you _loving_ me, makes everything else insignificant."

Rhys' hands move so one rests on my lower back and the other cradles the back of my head.

"Please don't shut me out again." A broken plea.

My heart aches at the pain on his face; pain to know that I feel so...

Fucked up.

"I'm sorry." I say again, pulling him closer and burying my face in his neck.

"Darling, there is nothing for you to apologise for."

Rhys tugs on my hair to pull me back. He presses a small kiss to my lips.

"Your painting seems to be getting even more spectacular. I never thought it was possible."

I breathe out a laugh before lifting my right hand which holds the paint-laden brush. I quickly lift it to his nose before stepping back, a smile on my face.

Rhys lifts his hand and wipes off some of the paint left on his nose.

"I feel like you are challenging me to a repeat of what occurred in the cabin when we officially mated; well, the first time, anyway." Rhys says, his smirk coming forward as he steps closer.

"Would that be so bad?" I ask, my tone light. I place the brush down, turning away for a moment and feel him press up close behind me.

"Shall we find out, my delicious beauty?" Rhys asks before winnowing us into our room.

I look at the bed, noticing the array of paints laid on the covers.

"Let's have some fun."

 **End note: Please review! :)**


	9. Chapter 9 - Healing

**A/N: Well, this is it. This is the final chapter for _You Are My Life!_ I just want to say that I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you who has read this story, reviewed it, followed it, added it to your favourites and/or done the same for me as an author. **

**I think I can say that my first fanfic for the _ACOTAR_ fandom was a success! :) **

**If I get enough requests/interest, I may write an epilogue for _YAML_ but I am pretty happy with how I have ended it. If you do have any questions though, don't hesitate to PM and ask me - I'll be happy to answer anything I can!**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

I had almost forgotten just how quiet the house was at night. The lack of guards and the usual hustle and bustle being asleep echoes a calming silence in these early hours.

The kitchens are slightly different to the rest of the house, however. There is the crackle of the torches lining the walls to illuminate the room, the occasional pop from the fire within the oven which is heating up the metal box and the sounds that result from my actions.

I once again tug up the sleeves of Rhys' shirt and my dressing gown to prevent the batter before me covering them. I pick up the spoon and continue mixing the ingredients within the bowl until it forms a ball of smooth dough. Tilting the bowl on to its side, I extract the dough onto the slightly floured counter before me.

The sound of footsteps reach my ears and I look up sharply to see Mor stopping in the doorway, her eyes wide when she notices me. I look back down at the biscuit dough, removing my beautiful ring from my finger and placing it away from anything that that could cover it. I push the dough into the counter, pressing it outwards before picking up the rolling pin and running it over.

I hear Mor picking up a glass before I see her stop on my left hand side by the fireplace in here, filling up her glass with the milk she has apparently been heating over the flames. I continue rolling out the dough to the right thickness as she moves to stand beside me, watching my movements.

"I am so sorry, Feyre." she whispers to me. I keep my gaze on the dough, reaching for the knife on my right to cut out the shapes. "I didn't mean to let something like that happen."

I place my first shape, a paintbrush, onto the tray I have ready. I push in a side slightly to hold the shape before returning to cut more of the dough.

"Feyre, please." Mor says and I see her reach out a hand before dropping it, rethinking her decision. "I can accept you being angry with me, I can deal with you lashing out at me but please don't do this; don't be silent."

I pick up my next shape, a star this time, and place it beside the paintbrush whilst ensuring to leave space between them in case they spread. I pinch one of the points to make it more prominent before moving back to the dough.

"Feyre," Mor says, her tone begging now. "talk to me."

I slam the knife down on the counter before sharply turning to face Mor. I feel flames boiling within me but I temper them down; I don't need another break down on my hands.

"You want me to talk to you?! Fine, I'll talk." I say, my voice deathly calm. "Being _that_ person in the Court is a necessity and you are fully aware of that. Now ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, would I have held it against you? Would I have treated you so harshly, so _coldly_ as you did me?"

"Feyre, I-"

"My life in Prythian has never been easy, Mor," I interrupt, cutting her off. "I finally found my home, my mate and then I had to be separated from it all to save you, to ensure your safety whilst risking my own.

"Being back in Spring, being prisoner once again was a complete nightmare. Being away from my home, my family, was torture."

"I know that, Feyre."

"I don't think you understand it from my point of view, Mor." I exclaim, resisting the urge to throw my arms up in the air. "You have no idea how thrilled I was to be back here - to be back in my mate's arms, to be back with you all - but my experiences have damaged me. I have sleepless nights, nightmares, sudden breakdowns and my powers going haywire. As much as I wanted to, I could not be Feyre at Court, I had to be the High Lady to ensure the cracks were covered; to make our Court look strong."

Mor has tears streaking down her cheeks, her bottom lip trembling as she withholds her sobs.

"I felt so betrayed, so scared, when you didn't push it aside and realise that." I mumble, tears of my own forming. "It hurt so much that you forgot about those cracks and saw me as someone else."

Mor rushes forward and engulfs me in a hug, her arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders. My arms lift up to circle her waist.

"I am so sorry." she cries, face in my shoulder. "Please don't hate me; please."

I choke out a sob before holding her tighter. We remain in the hug a minute more before I pull back, lifting my hands to brush away her tears.

"I don't hate you, Mor." I say, my voice quiet. Mor sniffs before smiling hopefully. "Just, in the future, don't brush me off. My heart cannot take it."

Mor nods furiously before kissing my cheek suddenly.

"I am really sorry." she says.

"I know." I say. "I forgive you."

A wide smile dominates Mor's face and she hugs me again, thanking me.

"Well, now you have to help me finish these biscuits." I say, drawing back with a smile on my face. "And then you're cleaning up."

...

I laugh as Mor drops icing on her dressing gown, again, and groans loudly.

"That's why you leave them on the counter, not hold them." I say, pushing away the finished biscuit to the rest of them so they are left to dry.

I feel Rhys' presence behind me and turn to see him lounging in the doorway, bare chested since I am wearing his shirt and his hair a complete mess. I walk up to him and laugh when I see a large streak of blue paint still in his hair. I kiss him tenderly and put my hands on his shoulders as his arms come about my waist.

"It is the middle of the night, darling, and you're in the kitchens. What are you doing?" he asks me.

"Woke up from a bad dream but instead of vomiting, I was craving biscuits." I say.

Rhys raises an eyebrow before laughing and pressing a kiss to my forehead. I detangle from him and grab hold of his hand, pulling him over to the counter.

Mor has finished icing all but one biscuit when she looks up at us. Rhys quickly dips his finger in the bowl of icing before swiftly tapping it on the end of my nose. I playfully slap his arm before his lips press against the icing, kissing it off.

I hear a gagging sound and turn to see Mor rolling her eyes as she picks up a few biscuits.

"You two are too cute for your own good." she says.

I look up at Rhys, kissing his chin before his lips. He smiles down at me, simultaneously bringing me closer to him.

"Good night, you two." Mor throws over her shoulder as she leaves.

I turn to face Rhys fully, placing a hand on his cheek.

"Hopefully this is a turning point for you." he says. "Although, we may have to alert the kitchen that their High Lady will be making an awful lot of biscuits."

I laugh, moving even closer to him.

"It's because of you, you know." I say, my thumb running over his cheekbone softly. "Your kindness and your love are helping me infinitely more than anyone else ever could."

Rhys pulls me in so there is no space between us and kisses me fiercely. His hands go from my hips, to my bottom and then to the backs of my thighs before he lifts me up onto the counter. I break away from his lips, retrieving my ring and slipping it on. He lifts up my hand, placing a kiss over the ring as it sits proudly on my finger. His hand then returns to my hip, pulling me closer as he stands between my legs so my centre is ground against his arousal, deliciously pressed together.

"We should take this upstairs." I breathe out as Rhys' face falls into my neck to press kisses there. I moan as he pushes his hips forward, grinding slightly more against me before lifting his head.

"Good idea." he growls, pupils blown wide with lust as we winnow away.

...

We lay together, our naked bodies entwined in the moonlight. My pointer finger is tracing small circles on Rhys' chest as my left arm is draped over his perfect body.

"Is Hybern posing any threat to us yet?" I ask, my voice quiet.

Rhys' hand on my back stills for a moment before continuing to run along my spine.

"Tamlin did send us a report and Hybern is currently attempting to strengthen his forces so is laying low for now." Rhys says.

"What about Ianthe? Tamlin was still close to her."

I feel Rhys stiffen ever so slightly. "Still with Hybern."

"We need to keep an eye on her." I mention, shifting my head on Rhys' shoulder. "Tamlin fucked that bitch on Calanmai which means she will have her claws in him."

Rhys nods, his movements on my back quickening.

"We'll watch out for her."

I move back slightly to look at Rhys.

"How come I hadn't realised that Calanmai had passed? There was nothing here to mark it."

Rhys smiles at me. "I don't take part in Calanmai." he says. "In the Night Court, we have something else; something less vulgar and far more positive."

I furrow my brow. "What is that?"

"Starfall."

A smile grows on my lips, the memories of that evening rushing through.

"One of the best days of my long life so far." Rhys mumbles and I immediately know why.

I smile even brighter at Rhys before kissing him. I settle back in his arms and rest my hand over his steadily beating heart.

"How is Alis?" he asks me a few minutes later.

"I gave her some of my blood earlier so, hopefully, her recovery will be quick." I say.

"Niamphara is the best healer I have seen; she will make Alis her normal self once more."

I nod and then suddenly yawn. Rhys flips me over so I am on my left hand side and he presses up tightly against me. One hand goes beneath my neck, his arm acting as my pillow for the night as his other arm goes around my waist, his hand moving to rest between my breasts. His head moves to my neck, his warm breath fanning over my skin.

"Sleep now, darling."

And I do; surrounded by love.

...

When I wake, it is clear that the sun has long since been up as it is almost midday. I realise that no more nightmares have plagued me and I feel... content.

Something I haven't felt in a long time.

I turn in Rhys' arms and see that he is still asleep, his face incredibly peaceful. My hand raises to his cheek, my thumb running over his jaw and my fingers pushing back the tendrils of hair that have fallen over his eyes.

He breathes in deeply but his eyes remain closed. I begin to run my hand through his hair, slowly bringing him to reality. He shifts and his arm tightens around my waist. I then push him so he is laying on his back and press small kisses to his lips in quick succession until he is more responsive to me. His hand moves to the back of my head, preventing me moving away.

The force of Rhys' lips against mine forces my mouth to open and his tongue quickly enters to tangle with mine. I can feel my mate's fingers tangling in my hair, pushing me closer. Rhys tugs my bottom lip between his, nipping it before soothing it over with his tongue.

My hand traces over his cheek, pushing up into his hair. I slow down the kiss until we lazily, almost lethargically, kiss. When I pull away, I see Rhys' smile on his kiss swollen lips.

"Not a bad way to wake up, I must say."

"It is a nice change." I say, resting my head beside his on his pillow so our noses bump. "You are very adorable when you sleep."

Rhys scrunches his nose up in disagreement before kissing me again, softly.

"Adorable is the perfect word for you." he mumbles. "As is sexy, mysterious, delicious, fierce, unstoppable-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." I say, putting my hand over Rhys' mouth. "Otherwise you will never shut up."

He chuckles against my hand before kissing it.

"I think you would despair if I did." he says, his voice muffled. I roll my eyes and remove my hand.

"We had better get up now otherwise I have a feeling that we will not be leaving this bed." I say before rolling away, out of arms reach.

"Feyre!"

...

We walk in to Alis' room to see her awake and sitting up against the pillows as Niamphara feeds her what appears to be broth.

"Feyre." Alis greets, her voice like gravel but her face lighting up.

I smile at my friend, walking over so I am beside Niamphara. I politely take the bowl and spoon from her hands, dismissing her and she curtsies to me.

"Thank you." I mumble to the wonderful healer and watch as she leaves. Rhys lounges against the bed post at the foot of it. I sit on the edge of the bed before placing my hand over Alis'. "It is so good to see you again."

"It is so wonderful to see you. Although, I had hoped that you would look better, not worse." Alis says, clearly not unkindly.

I look up at Rhys and see his reassuring smile. I place my gaze back to Alis.

"I did get better; I found my home and my mate." I say. "But, I had to return to the Spring Court to protect everyone. If I knew you were below me, suffering, I would have gotten you out much sooner."

Alis shakes her head. "You could not have known - I wasn't even aware you were back until you had obviously left again and Tamlin paid me a visit. I saw the control that he had over you and knew I had to get you out of there; away from him. The thought of you being happy, being safe - just like my nephews, got me through each day."

I squeeze Alis' hand tighter once I have placed the bowl down on the small side table.

"Where are your nephews, Alis?" I ask.

"They would have been sent to a safe house in Summer by a handmaiden in the manor." Alis says. "It was planned a while ago in case something happened to me to ensure no harm would come to them."

I look over to Rhys who is still standing at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Are we still on bad terms with Tarquin?" I question. Rhys unfolds his arms to run a hand through his hair.

"I have had some communication with Tarquin and did explain everything to him. He was considering lifting the price on our heads." he informs me, reaching out and brushing his knuckles against my cheek. "I'll message him immediately and see if we can go and get the boys for Alis or accompany her when she retrieves them."

I smile up at Rhys, even more so when he kisses my forehead tenderly. I turn back to Alis and see her slumped on her pillows.

Panic takes over for a moment until I realise that she has simply fallen asleep; exhaustion taking over. I stand and tuck the covers around her healing frame before leaving the room to ensure she receives some much required rest.

...

I decide to go to the library to find a book or two to read whilst Rhys goes off to speak with Az about Tarquin. He did offer for me to join them but I declined; wanting a moment to myself.

I stroll up the large stacks, admiring the spines of the large volume of books - trying to decide - when I hear a giggle. My movements stop and I hear it again. I move to the side and look down the end of this stack to see Elain resting her back against the shelves with Lucien standing close in front of her, delicately holding her hands in his.

My heart lifts slightly when I see the difference having Lucien here has made to Elain. A smile seems to be permanently on her face, her eyes shining.

I watch as Lucien lifts up their joined hands and pushes back her hair behind her ears. He leans forward, telling her how beautiful she is before kissing the pointed tip of her ear.

Elain turns her head so they kiss properly and I walk backwards, not wishing to disturb them. However, my arm catches a few loose books and they tumble to the floor, causing the pair in front of me to jump apart.

"Sorry!" I exclaim, picking up the books and replacing them on the shelf. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"No, Feyre." Elain says, her hands frantically smoothing invisible wrinkles on her skirt. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't be in here. We should go and-"

"Elain." I say to cease her rambles. I walk up to her and clasp her hands in mine. "It is fine. You shouldn't feel that you have to hide way and deny anything between you two; not here."

Lucien's hand goes to Elain's back and I see her visibly relax at the action and my words.

"I know what it feels like to be separated from your mate when the bond is forged and I would not wish that upon anyone." I say, feeling Elain's grip on me tighten. "Embrace your love, be happy; enjoy knowing that you won't be alone in your long life. You can be free here, both of you."

Tears sparkle in Elain's eyes as she pulls me into a tight hug.

"Thank you so much, Feyre." she whispers and I smile.

"My pleasure."

I draw back and am surprised as Lucien pulls me into a hug of his own.

"I owe much to you, Feyre." he says, pulling back and placing his hands on my shoulders. "But, for bringing me here to Elain - I am forever in your debt."

I smile at Lucien. "You deserve to be happy, away from the Spring Court. Rhys would agree with me that you are welcome to stay here for as long as you wish. You should venture further into Velaris - you will love it."

Both Elain and Lucien nod their heads, moving closer together.

"Really, Feyre." Elain says, glancing at Lucien. "Thank you so much."

I smile once more before taking a step back.

"I will see you two later."

...

I find Rhys in Cas' room, laughing with him, Az and Nesta. I see that he is sitting in the chair beside the bed so I swiftly winnow behind him, blowing into his ear to make him squirm before I wrap my arms around his shoulders with a giggle, the limbs crossing over his chest.

 _Bloody minx._ Rhys says to me as his hands come up to my arms, squeezing them.

"Hello to you too, handsome." I mumble.

He turns his head and I kiss him sweetly, running our noses together when our lips disconnect.

"Can I talk to you somewhere, somewhere private?" he asks me and I pull back, my eyes grazing over his features. I cannot see that there is anything wrong so I nod, my curiosity rising.

I remove my arms from his shoulders so he can stand. He moves over to Cassian, slapping him on the shoulder.

"Leaving us so soon, Rhys?" Cas asks, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Watch it." Rhys says, a smile on his face.

I look over to Nesta and smile at her, receiving one back. Her gaze falls back to Cas and she takes one of his hands in her own. Dare I say that there is happiness in her eyes...

Rhys takes my hand in his.

"Make sure you keep resting, Cas." I say, just before Rhys guides me away.

"I will, my lady, don't worry." he says.

"If you don't, it isn't me you'll have to worry about; it is a certain sister of mine." I say, pointing to Nesta with a wink.

Cas looks over to my blushing sister with a grin.

"Oh, I count on it."

Nesta buries her head into Cas shoulder which causes us to laugh.

"We shall see you later." Rhys says before tugging me out of the room.

We walk back to our room and Rhys pulls me over so we are standing out on the balcony, a beautiful view of Velaris before us, the warmth of the sun hitting our skin.

"What's going on, Rhys?" I ask, turning to look at him.

His arms go around my waist and he pulls me in to him before kissing me. A hand raises to caress my cheek and I reach up to hold his wrist; keeping him in place.

"I know your heart is uneasy," Rhys says, his voice quiet. "and I like to think that it is my job to protect your heart, Feyre."

I rub my thumb over his pulse point, feeling the steady beat of his heart.

"I know that you have been through so much and just as you have with me after everything, I promise that I will help you and support you for the rest of our lives."

I look at Rhys, seeing his undying love for me in his eyes and I feel a wave of that love surround me as it travels down our bond. I turn my head for a moment to look at the light of the sun bathing the Rainbow; a spectacular sight; our home.

"You are my life, Feyre." Rhys says and I swiftly turn my head to face him again. I step closer so our chests are pressed together. "You are absolutely everything to me and, my darling, that will never change. I love you with everything I have and will remain by your side; no matter what we face."

"I love you too, Rhys. Nothing will ever change that." I whisper, resting our foreheads together. He wraps his arms tightly around my waist and we gaze into each other's eyes.

 _I am nothing without you._ I say to him through our bond.

 _That's not true and you know it, darling._

I roll my eyes, an easy smile on my face.

 _Just shut up and kiss me, Rhys._

 _With absolute pleasure._

 **Final end note: Please review! :)**


	10. Epilogue

**A/N: Here it is! By very popular demand, we now have the epilogue for _You Are My Life._ Your support has been absolutely incredible throughout the entirety of this story and I was more than happy to write the epilogue - after everything they have been through, they finally deserve a happy ending!**

 **A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read this story, reviewed or clicked the favourite or follow buttons. I do hope that there will be more from me for this wonderful fandom - keep your eyes peeled!**

 **Keep smiling!**

The war seemed to be endless. Two years of fighting, loss and defending all that is good were worth it in the end. Hybern finally fell, the threat it posed to all of Prythian finally vanquished just in time for the mortal realm to be spared of too much bloodshed after areas of the wall were brought down.

The King, the Queens and Jurian were destroyed thanks to the combined power of me and my mate, and the allied Courts behind us - in the end, everyone but the Spring Court. Finally, Rhys is seen as he always should have been; not whore, not bastard, not murderer - but hero instead. I don't think I have ever been more proud of him.

After months of rebuilding, Prythian is restored to a place where no one is under constant and persistent threat; a foreign concept to many. Tamlin has been confined to the Spring Court, only permitted to leave its borders for meetings that require all High Lords, and me, to attend. This was a punishment that I was more than happy to bestow upon him since I sadly cannot kill him - without an heir, it would disrupt the peace that now reigns at last. It was almost a relief when Ianthe sacrificed herself and her baby to the Cauldron; a foolish attempt to throw the war to Hybern's advantage which ultimately assisted their loss.

No one should mess with the Cauldron's power. Thankfully, Amren took care of that and we no longer have to worry about it causing more trouble.

Alis is in Summer now, living peacefully with her nephews and under the protection of both Tarquin and me; now safe wherever they go in Prythian. We have gone to visit them a few times, thankfully now on good terms with Tarquin and she has brought her nephews to us so they can wander around the Rainbow together.

Lucien and Elain decided to stay in Velaris, believing that they had found their home. Rhys purchased them a delightful town house nearer to the Rainbow where Elain has recently opened her own flower shop - harnessing her magic and making a livelihood from it. I visit her shop daily, receiving a bunch of flowers each time that Rhys has lovingly bought me; the sappy sod.

Nesta and Cassian's mating bond took a while to click into place; my stubborn sister pushing away her emotions constantly. In the end, I took her out to the small training grounds we have and whilst improving her skills with a blade, encouraged her to open up to me. It took a while for her to divulge her feelings, which were released with a strong burst of magic. I had quickly doused her flames before reassuring her that Cassian was already clearly smitten with her. It was when Rhys was returning the favour Cas had given us after we officially mated that Nesta seemed to accept herself and the life she now leads. Let's just say, watching our men like that was enough for both of us to crave more from their sweat-slick bodies... They eventually decided to remain in the town house with us for now; Cas' wings still delicate but his determination to keep an eye on his High Lady, despite my protests, winning out.

Mor and Az finally accepted their feelings for each other which everyone was grateful for. They now live a few minutes, flying time, away from the town house and come to see me and Rhys everyday - much to our occasional annoyance.

The love that Rhys and I share only continues to grow stronger each day; despite the occasional arguments we have when he is being an insufferable ass. The nightmares never returned despite the carnage that surrounded us for so long, thanks to Rhys' unwavering support, and I finally feel like I have nothing holding me back - my fears gone at last.

Now, I am out on our training grounds with Cas. Since the air is warm, my shirt is slightly thinner and billowing and tucked into my simple slim brown trousers, paired with my worn leather boots that stop below my knee; an outfit that is comfortable and easy to move in. I praise myself for also thinking to put my hair into a ponytail instead of a plait; the air able to get to my neck and keep me slightly cool. We are working on my punches and quick reflexes. Cas has his hands raised, covered by pads and every so often, he moves his hands just before my fists connect to see if I can follow. I manage to hit it every time, regardless of how difficult Cas tries to make it.

But then, as I am throwing a punch, my head goes fuzzy and my vision darkens and I miss the pad - even though Cas' hand does not move this time.

"Feyre?" Cas asks and I look up at him, my head beginning to spin now. "Are you alright?"

I nod, not wishing to cause a fuss. "I'm fine, Cas."

I raise my fists and try to strike the raised pad again but once again miss. I stumble back, my knees suddenly weak, and feel Cas' hands on my arms, steadying me to keep me upright.

"Feyre, what is it?" he asks and I can see him scanning my face. "Come and sit down; you have gone very pale."

I allow him to guide me to the bench, almost falling a few times before I sit down. The dizziness in my head increases and I feel Cas push a cup of water in my hands.

"I don't want it." I mumble, pushing it away from me.

The dizziness is making me feel sick. I feel myself fall forwards slightly but I am caught by someone very familiar.

Rhys.

"What's wrong, Feyre?" he asks me and I slump into him, my forehead going to his shoulder. "What is it, darling?"

I vaguely hear Cas explaining what has happened over the past few minutes but all I can focus on is a feeling within my chest that has not been there for a long time. I just manage to push away from Rhys before vomiting onto the grass beside me.

There goes breakfast.

Rhys' hand is smoothing circles into my back, ensuring that I remain calm and know he is right there.

"Go fetch Niamphara, Cas." I hear Rhys instruct as he scoops me into his arms.

I feel a slight pull before I feel the softness of the bed beneath me. Rhys' hand is suddenly on my cheek, thumb gently sweeping across the skin. My nose picks up the scent of the fresh flowers on the other side of the room and my head aches more. I wave my hand, intending to send them downstairs for now but when the sound of shattering glass reaches my pounding ears, I know that they have ended up on the floor instead.

"Stay calm, darling." Rhys soothes.

"You didn't just suddenly vomit thanks to becoming lightheaded and dizzy." I mumble. "Kind of hard to stay calm."

Rhys moves his hand up, stroking my hair. "We will work out what is going on. Just focus on me instead of your head."

I groan when my stomach lurches, my legs coming up automatically so my knees are bent.

"Do you need to vomit again?" Rhys asks and I see the panic on his face.

"I would hope not now that I am here." Niamphara says as she walks in, followed by Cas. "If you could leave us alone, High Lord."

Rhys faces her, his hand now gripping mine. "I won't leave her."

"Rhys." The sound of my voice makes his head turn back to me. "It's alright. Go with Cas and I will call for you when we are done in here."

I can see the reluctance in Rhys' face but he agrees regardless, knowing that Niamphara will help.

"I love you, sweetheart." he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I love you too."

He walks over to the door, turning to look at me once more before walking out, Cas closing the door behind them.

"Cassian explained to me what happened." Niamphara says, pulling things out of her bag. "How is your head now?"

"Still dizzy which is making me feel sick." I answer. "And my sense of smell seems to have gotten stronger - my flowers hurt my head more."

Niamphara picks up a small bottle filled with a clear light blue liquid and hands it to me. She then helps me to sit up a bit more, propping me up against my pillows.

"Drink it, Feyre."

I follow her orders and mere seconds after swallowing, my head clears completely.

"What is that?" I ask her, handing back the bottle. I notice Niamphara smile.

"It is something I brewed a long time ago. This makes the first sign disappear."

I frown, confused at the healer's words. "The first sign of what?" I ask her.

"At around the two month mark, a baby's heartbeat becomes stronger. In Fae females, there is a moment where the baby connects with its mother and in that moment, this causes sudden dizziness and lightheadedness."

My eyes grow wide. Did she- Did she really just say...

"Congratulations, High Lady. You are pregnant." Niamphara says.

Tears fill my eyes as a smile blooms upon my lips. A baby... Our baby is growing inside of me. I realise that my right hand is now resting over my lower stomach as if I can feel them.

"Your scent will change over the next few weeks as the baby develops more." Niamphara moves to stand beside me. "You need to make sure that you take good care of yourself."

I nod. "Thank you so much."

"I will come back next week to give you more detailed information about your pregnancy but I will give you some information now." I shift over on the bed slightly and Niamphara sits down beside my legs. "Soon enough, the body will begin having the regular pregnancy symptoms - your breasts will begin to become more sensitive in preparation for the milk. You may experience morning sickness but if you do, I have a remedy I can offer you for that to keep it at bay. You are not to consume any wine or other alcohol from now. And please rest as much as your body requires you to - you can train if you insist over the next few months but nothing too vigorous."

I nod, trying to process the information she is giving me.

"If you do have any questions at all," Niamphara says, standing up. "then don't hesitate to ask, Feyre. I am here to support you throughout."

I smile widely at Niamphara and stand up to hug her. "Truly, Niamphara. Thank you."

The healer smiles back at me. "Have some fun telling the High Lord; most women have interesting ways of revealing this news."

I nod and watch as Niamphara leaves.

 _You can stop moping and come back now_ I say and a mere few seconds later, Rhys' hands are on my shoulders.

"What's wrong? Is it serious?" he asks straight away and I withhold my laugh at the suddenness of the questions.

I shake my head. "Everything is perfectly fine, Rhys. I probably just overdid it in training."

Rhys seems satisfied at my answer, his shoulders deflating with relief and he presses a kiss to my lips.

"I love you, Feyre." he whispers and I instantly smile.

"I love you too, you handsome idiot." I reply.

Rhys quickly kisses me again before looking down at my clothes.

"Would you like to change into something more comfortable?" he asks me.

"Yes, please." I say gratefully and sit down on the edge of the bed. I begin to remove my boots from my feet.

"Are you going to stay in here?" Rhys asks me and I look up to see him standing in front of the large wardrobe, the doors open.

I think for a moment before giving my reply, tugging my socks - or I should say his socks - off my feet. "I'm going to go to my gallery, I think. I can take it easy in there."

Rhys nods and turns back to the wardrobe. I fall backwards so I am laying down on the plush covers. I still cannot believe it - a baby. An actual baby, a rare and precious gift, is growing inside of me. I resist the temptation to place my hands over my stomach, wanting to surprise Rhys with the news somehow.

I feel his hands on my hips suddenly before my trousers are unlaced and tugged down slightly. I lift up my hips so Rhys can continue pulling them off. I sit up when my feet have been removed from the holes and I am immediately greeted with Rhys' lips. He smiles tenderly at me before kneeling in front of me, guiding my feet into the leg holes of the black leggings he has chosen for me. To help him out, I stand up once he gets just past my knees, unable to resist running my hand through his hair when I do. Once the leggings are on, and Rhys has stood up to allow his hands to wander over my back, hips and bottom, I sit back on the bed and Rhys once again kneels in front of me. He lifts each of my feet onto his strong thighs before sliding on a pair of my fuzzy socks, surprisingly warm on my skin.

My shirt goes next and Rhys presses a kiss to my chest, over my heart, before pulling on my new shirt. He then hands me a light grey, thick cardigan which I put on myself and then stand up. Rhys reaches around to the back of my head and removes the small band that is holding my hair up. The strands fall about my shoulders and Rhys runs his fingers through the strands, delightfully scratching against my scalp for a moment which makes a sound, almost like a purr, escape my lips.

Rhys laughs before pressing a kiss against my nose, then my lips; his hand moving to cup my cheek. I raise my left hand to clasp his wrist.

"Thank you, Rhys." I whisper, pressing a kiss to his jaw before sliding my hand up to grasp his hand. "Come on then."

...

I chew on the end of my paintbrush as I stare at the painted canvas before me. A frown works its way onto my face.

"What is it, darling?" Rhys asks me, winding his arms around my waist from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder.

I sigh, twisting the paint brush in my hands. "I just feel like I am missing something, or just not doing it any justice what-so-ever."

Rhys laughs slightly, warm air fanning over the skin of my neck. "If you were to walk the streets of the Rainbow, the scene you have captured on the canvas is exactly the same."

I raise an eyebrow although Rhys cannot see it. "Really?"

Rhys' arms tighten around me as a kiss is pressed beneath my ear.

"Really, sweetheart."

"Rhys?"

We both turn around to see Cas and Az standing in the doorway, clearly unsure of whether to come in or not.

"You boys can come in." I say and they both nod their heads before taking a step into the room. "How long is your meeting? If I recall, the reason I said I wouldn't mind not sitting in on it is because it would be long."

All three men laugh and Rhys presses a kiss to my temple.

"We will be finished late afternoon." he says to me. "Make sure you eat lunch - I know how distracted you get when you are painting."

I smile at his concern and press a kiss to his lips.

"Make sure that you eat too, Rhys." I say, my left hand raising to his cheek. "I also know what you are like when you're distracted by something."

Rhys smirks at me before pressing another kiss to my lips.

"I love you." he says and I smile widely at him.

"I love you too." I reply before pushing him towards Cassian and Azriel. "Look after him and don't work yourselves too hard."

Cas and Az nod their heads whilst Rhys dramatically bows to me which encourages a laugh.

"Get out of here, you lovable idiot." I say and watch as the three of them leave the gallery.

I turn back to my painting and an idea springs to mind. Many sunsets this past month or two have been spent upon one of the mountains, watching as Velaris lights up as they sun sets, bathing everything is a myriad of soft colours before the stars come out; creating such a spectacular sight. I picture the view in my mind and a smile blossoms once again.

Rhys will not be expecting this...

...

It is late afternoon when I finally finish my pregnancy reveal.

Earlier on, after painting a lot of the canvas, another image came to mind and I just couldn't let it go. I had immediately reached for my large sketch pad and array of pencils before sketching out the image. Once it was down, I focused on adding small details; the edge of his strong jaw, the sparkle in his eyes. As soon as it was done, I went straight back to the large canvas and continued painting.

I look at it now, my hands resting over my stomach, my thumbs moving slowly back and forth. I look at the drawing which is currently on my stool. It needs to go up, beside the canvas. I walk over to my left and pick up one of my many empty easels which are resting against the wall next to my store cupboard for the paints. I move back over to the canvas and set up the easel to its right, placing the drawing on it so it is proudly displayed.

 _Feyre darling, dinner is almost ready._ Rhys says to me and I am grateful that he hasn't come up to warn me - he must still be in his meeting; finishing off I would hope.

 _I will be right down. Are you still working?_

I hear his answering sigh. _We are stopping for the day when we eat. The extremely important stuff has been dealt with finally, though._

I find a large, paint stained cloth in the small storeroom and pick it up in my hands.

 _Which is something,_ _Rhys._ I remind. _You boys have been working for hours; stop, rest and go back to it with fresh minds tomorrow._

I drape the cloth over the canvas and drawing before winnowing to the bathroom connected to our bedroom.

 _As my lady commands_.

I roll my eyes at his words as I wash my hands clean from the pencil and paints that covers them.

 _Are you coming down now or should I come up to you?_ he asks me.

 _Someone is rather impatient, aren't they?_ I comment as I dry my hands on a towel and jump when his strong arms are suddenly wrapped around my waist.

"You're a complete prick sometimes." I say and Rhys chuckles into my shoulder.

"And yet you love me regardless."

I turn in his arms, dropping the towel onto the counter as I do so, my left hand raising to cup his cheek; the soft glow of sunset through the large windows making my ring glint in its light.

"That I do - very much so."

Rhys smiles before pressing a kiss to my lips. He tries to deepen our kiss but I pull away, stroking my thumb over his cheekbone.

"Is something wrong?" he asks.

"Your mate is very hungry." I say. "For food." I add on the end once a mischievous twinkle appears in his eyes.

"Well, I cannot allow that." my mate says, offering his arm to me once he has taken a step back. "Shall we?"

I smile, looping my arm in his.

"We shall."

...

Dinner was certainly an unexpected surprise. Rhys and I were joined by Nesta, Mor, Cassian and Azriel. The night suddenly became one filled with stories from long ago, our stomachs aching with laughter as we sprawled out around the sitting room; Rhys and I claiming the large couch to ourselves. Then the wine began to flow.

"Here you go." Mor says, a smile on her face as she tries to hand me a goblet of wine.

"No, thank you." I say and whilst Mor shrugs and hands the wine to Nesta, Rhys leans into my side more from where he is laying against me.

"Are you alright, darling?" he asks.

"Just tired." I say, not really a lie. Rhys studies me for a moment and I wonder for a second if he knows. But then he kisses my cheek and turns to the others in the room.

"We're going to head up since it has been a long day." he says, standing up from the couch. I place my hand in his offered one and stand myself.

"Getting old, are we?" Cas teases, his arm draped around Nesta's shoulders and Rhys laughs.

"Watch it." he replies with a smile before leading me out of the room.

"Night, guys!" I shout over my shoulder and hear a varied chorus of "good night" from the others.

We slowly walk up the stairs in silence, my arm looped through Rhys' as my temple rests against his shoulder. We reach our room but I keep walking, lifting my head and tugging Rhys' along slightly.

"Where are we going? I thought you were tired." Rhys asks and he looks so adorable when he is confused.

"I just wanted to show you something." I say as we near the gallery doors. "It's what I have been working on after you left."

"Did you finish the painting then?"

We walk inside the gallery and I point to the painting in question from earlier which has been moved over to sit in front of some of my other recent paintings.

"Yes I did."

Rhys kisses my forehead once he has looked at it. "Wonderful as always." he praises.

I smile at him and walk up to the covered easels, nerves now twirling in my stomach.

"There are two pieces that I want to show you." I say and lift up the right edge of the cloth to reveal the drawing.

Rhys slowly steps forward and carefully grasps the drawing in his hands. I notice that a soft smile appears on his lips as he gazes at the image I had of him cradling our new-born wrapped in a blanket in his arms.

"It's beautiful." he whispers. Rhys' gaze tears itself from the drawing to meet mine. "I cannot wait to have this with you someday."

I smile at my mate, taking the drawing from his hands and replacing it on the easel.

Here it goes...

I remove the cloth from the large canvas and drop it to the floor. I see Rhys' eyes widen at the sight.

I painted the sunset over Velaris - the darkness grasping the far right hand side, stars appearing and Velaris' lights shining. The soft glow of the sun's fading light illuminates two figures on top of one of the mountains. The first figure, female, stands and looks down at the second figure, male, as he kneels before her, wings proudly spread behind him and his hands rest, tangled with his mate's on her swollen belly.

I look up from the painting to gage Rhys' reaction. Tears are falling down his cheeks as his eyes go between the painting and the drawing. I can feel his whirlwind of emotions across the bond but cannot decipher them. My hands drift onto my stomach as I remain quiet, waiting for Rhys. The tears continue to fall and I cannot help but wonder if Rhys doesn't want this at all.

"Truly?" The word is quiet but clear as day from my mate's lips. "Are you- are we..?"

I smile, stepping forwards. "Yes." I say, a few tears of my own falling. "I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."

A sob breaks free from Rhys but so does a huge smile. He pulls me into him, pressing his face into the crook of my neck as his arms go around my waist.

"I love you so much, my darling. My Feyre, my mate." he mumbles over and over into my skin.

Rhys then suddenly kneels in front of me and cradles my still flat stomach in his hands. He presses small kisses to my stomach in quick succession before pulling my shirt up. I grab hold of it in my left hand, pulling it up more so it rests beneath my breasts whilst my right hand slowly runs through his hair.

I can feel him murmuring against my skin. "What are you doing?"

"Telling our baby just how much their mummy and daddy loves them." Rhys says.

He then wraps his arms around my hips, over my bottom; holding me close as he remains on the floor. I begin to sway very gently, my hand still carding through Rhys' locks.

"I love you so much." he whispers and I lean down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

"I love you too. Both of you."

...

I push as hard as I can, my exhausted body already pushed to its limits and beyond. Rhys' hand is certainly crushed and burnt within my own as I try to anchor myself to him and his voice.

I release, falling back against the pillows that are propping me up. Mor presses a cold flannel to my forehead as I breathe heavily, my starving lungs protesting.

"One more push, Feyre." Niamphara says, adjusting the towel that hangs across my knees. "One more then you can meet your baby."

I take a deep breath, tears falling from my eyes. Rhys and Mor help me sit up more and as the next contraction hits, I push hard and a scream rips from my sore throat.

It cuts off however when a baby's cry, my baby's cry, resonates around the room. Rhys kisses my sweaty forehead a few times, adjusting my pillows so I remain sitting up but am more relaxed.

"It's a girl, Feyre." Niamphara says as she cleans out my baby's mouth, cuts the cord and wraps her up.

I look to Rhys. "We have a daughter." I can't help but say in awe, my throat gravelly.

Rhys smiles, tears in his eyes. "Yes we do."

I turn my head back to Niamphara as she walks around the side of the bed.

"Here we go." she says and I reach out my arms to finally hold my baby.

I hold her correctly and securely against my chest, which she snuggles into as if she has always done it.

"She's so beautiful." I whisper, pressing a kiss to her silky forehead.

"She is, isn't she." Mor says, a soft smile on her face.

There is a bit of discomfort when the afterbirth arrives but I cannot seem to keep my focus off of our daughter. I look over to my mate and see the tears that have fallen.

"Would you like to hold her, Rhys?" I asks and he looks at me, fear on his features.

"What if I hurt her and she never forgives me? Or, I don't hold her correctly? Or-"

"You won't, Rhys." I soothe and shift slightly. "Come on."

Rhys nods hesitantly and holds out his arms. I place our daughter against him and he cradles her. I adjust one of his arms slightly to cradle her head better before relaxing back against the pillows.

"She is so tiny; so perfect." Rhys says, his body rigid and tense. Our daughter begins to cry then and he panics. "What did I do?!"

"It's okay." I say, placing my hand on Rhys' arm. "Just relax, Rhys. She can tell you're scared and tense."

"I just don't want to hurt her."

"You won't." I scoot over very slightly, wincing as I do so and pat the empty space beside me. "Settle back and relax."

Rhys does as I say and a few moments later, our daughter quietens down.

"That's better." he coos to her. "Daddy just doesn't want anything to happen to you because he loves you so much."

Niamphara walks over to the left hand side of the bed, the opposite side to Rhys and begins to unbutton the top of the large shirt I am wearing.

"We can see if she will feed now. If not, we will keep her here anyway as skin-to-skin contact is very good at this stage - helps mum and baby to bond even more."

I nod and she leans over me to take my baby in her arms. She unwraps her small body from her blanket before placing her against my naked chest. I immediately bring my arms up to cradle her and guide her to my left breast. She noses around for a second as if unsure of what to do before latching on and beginning to suckle.

"There we go." Niamphara says, draping the blanket over my baby and chest. "Perfect - and first time too."

I smile down at my daughter, the tip of my right pointer finger ghosting over her cheek. Rhys comes in closer beside me.

"What is her name then?" I ask him and I turn to see his eyes fixed on our daughter.

"Are you sure you want me to name her?" he asks me and I nod my head firmly.

"We agreed that you would name a girl and I would name a boy. Our baby is a girl, so you name her."

"Are you sure?" he asks me again and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"Rhys," Mor speaks up as she helps Niamphara clean everything up. "the names you have chosen are beautiful. I think they will suit her perfectly."

"See." I point out. "If Mor says so, your ideas must be good." I adjust my hold on our daughter very slightly. "Now, what is the name of our daughter?"

Rhys looks at our baby and reaches out his finger to her tiny hand and she grips it tight as she continues to suckle.

"Lady Aylin Emelia of the Night Court." he says, his voice incredibly soft.

I smile down at Aylin before looking back up at Rhys.

"A very beautiful name. How did you think of it?"

"Emelia was my mother's middle name and Aylin means 'to belong to the moon'. Fitting, I thought, for where she comes from." Rhys says and kisses my cheek.

"Indeed it is." I look down at Aylin, still suckling at my breast, but slower now. "And I know that she already has you wrapped around her little finger."

Rhys chuckles lightly beside me. "Indeed she does." I feel him blow onto my ear slightly, making me squirm and I turn to face him. "I'm so proud of you, Feyre."

I smile at my mate and kiss him softly on the lips.

"I love you so much, Rhys. I love you and Aylin with everything I am and always will. You are my life; both of you are."

Rhys snorts at my words and I grin. I know exactly why.

"Stealing my words, are we, darling?" he asks and I laugh slightly, careful not to jostle Aylin.

"I'm surprised that you remember them. That was over three years ago now." I say and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"I remember a lot of things, Feyre." he says, running his thumb over Aylin's small fist which is still wrapped around his finger.

Her suckling has reduced more but is still there. I will hold her against me for as long as she wishes to be there, and longer. I don't think I will want to let her go, ever.

"If you say so, mate." I mumble and return my gaze to Aylin completely.

"Bloody minx, you are." he says and I quickly snap my head up to him.

"Language! Not in front of Aylin." I say and Rhys just smiles.

"Perfect mother, you are." he says and I smile at him, pushing love down our bond.

"And you are the perfect father, Rhys." I say, kissing him before looking down at our daughter. "And you, Aylin, are the most beautiful, most perfect baby a mother could ask for." I press a kiss to her forehead, smelling her in for a moment before leaning back.

"I love you so much, Rhys." I say, my vice quiet as I feel Aylin relax against me as she drifts to sleep. "I love our family; I love you and I love our daughter. Everything is perfect."

"Indeed it is, sweetheart." he says and presses a kiss to Aylin's forehead. "Indeed it is."

 **Final End Note: Thank you so much for reading! For those who may be wondering, Aylin's name is pronounced** ay-leen - **different to a certain Aelin...**

 **Please review! :)**


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